Toothpaste for Boozehounds: Get your choppers your whitest, with wine, whiskey flavors

April 23, 2008 | Weird News

"Scotch Whiskey Toothpaste"For the average booze-hound, dredging themselves out of bed and scraping a toothbrush across their hairy tongue, is part of the pre-work grooming regimen (after dousing less than fragrant loafers with the remainder of a bottle of cologne).

The taste of toothpaste though, is second only to a whiff of the previous night’s poisons when it comes to potentially launching that morning bagel into an anti-gravity, toilet-bound trajectory.

So, it’s a wonder that at Toothpasteworld.com, speaking of gravity, you can procure all sorts of boozy flavors that would turn your stomach worse than a NASA gyroscope.

Michigan dentist and self-professed ‘toothpaste collector’ Val Kolpakov features American-produced bourbon, whiskey, wine, and for the high-rolling set, champagne flavors.

Why these exist is anyone’s guess, as the market for people looking to give themselves booze breath when they’re not drinking is likely a small one and those who are drinking would like to rid themselves of it.

Of interest, Jigger Bourbon Whiskey Toothpaste: The ‘refreshing’ [source's quotation marks] morning-after pick up. It contains real alcohol – no more than 3% alcohol by wt., 2oz, so if you haven’t slept all night, you can refresh your hellfire and asbestos-singeing breath with the flavors of the night before.

Don’t forget to floss.

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