Karaoke Killings

June 20, 2012 | Weird News

Singing, like urinating, is something you should feel free to do in the shower but not in public unless you’re a professional engaged by people paying good money for the show. The karaoke craze has resulted in more public singing than patriotic dirges in fascist states – and without the excuse of a rifle in the back prodding people on.

Despite the varying degrees of talent on stage, bar karaoke audiences are tolerant, mostly because they plan to sing themselves and don’t want to foster an atmosphere in which tone deafness is treated as a shortcoming.

But there are occasions when the convivial atmosphere on karaoke night can give way to something that resembles a session of Taiwanese parliament or the closing credits to Taxi Driver. Often this is due to a breach of commonly accepted karaoke protocol. For example, anyone who spends longer than, say, six minutes on a karaoke stage better be a city health inspector reading a list of violations before ordering the doors locked.

Two recent cases highlight how the world of butchered harmonies and drunk narcissism can have negative outcomes:

Houston, we have a Karaoke Problem:

Houston police investigated a shooting spurred by a not-quite-up-to-snuff rendition of the song “Somos Mas Americanos,” or, We Are More American. We imagine the altercation went down like this:
“We are more American”
“No, WE are”
“Actually, WE are”.
Bang. (or something to that effect).

According to reports, ‘Somos Mas Americanos’ specifically highlights Mexican nationalism (perhaps not as violently as say, the actual Mexican national anthem, Number 4 on our list of the most Violent National Anthems).

City in Land of Smiles turns to Frown Town:

Three men have been arrested after five people were gunned down in a Thai karaoke bar in Saraburi. According to the Bangkok Post, men at two tables traded insults and the dispute was eventually settled with an AK47.

Missouri Loves Company

In other karaoke/felony news, the Missouri Board of Corrections is selling karaoke DVDs which were used for religious ceremonies (just one of the many ugly facets of prison life that should keep more people on the straight and narrow). The discs are being packaged with a variety of audio and video equipment being sold in an online auction.