Posts Tagged ‘whales’

Killer Whales are Back at SeaWorld

January 20, 2011 | Weird News

The Snafu, Shamwow, Shamu Show—whichever—is back at Seaworld after an extended absence.

This despite the six-ton incorrigible recidivist orca Tilikum being tied to a couple of deaths prior to the most recent high-profile one—who should be given the kind of Three Strikes you’re Out rough justice usually meted out to terrestrial mammals.

Now, some say killer whales have been given a bad rap—like when Kanye guests on your album, while others, namely us, say the rap should be badder and maybe handed out more vigorously (but from a reasonably safe distance).

We have an ambivalent relationship with beasts of the deep and with SeaWorld. On the one hand, lots of Google search traffic mistakenly arrives to our humor site as a result (despite being Shark Guys, we are not going to teach tiger sharks how to eat mackeral from our hands—unless someone can produce a princely sum). On the other, as a kid one of us witnessed a trainer forced underwater for a period of time usually associated with reticence at handing over a PIN number to the mob.

The unfortunately named “Dine with Shamu” (which, in the far north with Canada’s Inuit is the much more preferable, ”Dine on Shamu”), was put on hiatus for a year after all these unfortunate incidents–unfortunate mainly because giant swimming things that can kill people instantly are usually reserved for threatening James Bond.

As we said earlier, marine parks operate on a quaint Victorian principle that animals exist solely for our amusement, so we can momentarily forget that cruiseships docked along Florida’s coast are dumping toxic bilge or that we (and by we, we mean mostly the Chinese—don’t worry, they aren’t allowed to read this) are fishing the world’s oceans to extinction.

A SeaWorld spokesman says Tilikum will not be used in the show—at least initially. Good move.

Shout Out Louds / Freelance Whales Review

May 11, 2010 | Music

The similarly orchestral Shout Out Louds came on shortly after 8 and proved how much more could be done with less nonsense. Simple guitar riffs had the crowd head-banging like they were at an AC/DC concert for asthmatic romantics and pretty girls.

The Swedish veterans’ well-timed jams and moderate use of synth served their simple, energetic songs well. The Freelance Fails (if you want to be a real jerk) were heavy-handed with the synth, used so liberally to patch a number of apparent holes.

SOL singer Adam Olenius’ clumsy foray into the crowd was a nice bit of showmanship before they peaked with a pleasant “Impossible” that brought home the contrast between the two bands. Olenius rewarded the easy-to-please audience with sincere, workmanlike soulfulness as he lustily tapped his tambourine. He also used his ‘outside voice’ when singing, not the 4am confessional telephone whine that has become the scourge of post-Postal Service pretenders like these bloated whales.

But ultimately, even this far superior effort did almost nothing for me. If I walked past either band playing for free in Dundas Square I would keep walking. Looking at the ecstatic audience I wondered, “Have you never been to a concert that actually rocked?” The person I went with later lambasted me for not being able to tell one “independent” band from another. By independent he means bands like Jack’s Mannequin or as a historical example that carries much weight for him, Postal Service. I’m not sure who he thinks they are independent of. Certainly not Ticketmaster or other major conglomerates.

Not being able to distinguish between effete, post-emo emoters is something any 26-year-old man should not only strive for, but wear like a badge of honour. I can tell the difference between a 1998 and a 1999 Bob Dylan bootleg within 15 seconds. I don’t have room in my brain for whatever lies Altnation is selling to the musically naive.

When this friend isn’t referring to these musicians as independent, he’s calling them ‘alternative’. I thought this term had been the victim of semantic blanching and pronounced dead somewhere around 1997. Afterwards it was used simply as a commercial label. Now it’s bloated enough to house these cooing freelance types, but also totally inverted from its original meaning as Nickelback somehow qualifies, the very type of soulless arena-rock Kurt Cobain mocked with such delightful snideness.

This music my friend takes so much pride in is not independent—except of quality. Quality is a whole separate operation.

Mike Sauve is a Toronto freelancer who’s written for the National Post, the Toronto International Film Festival and Exclaim Magazine