Winter Olympics Look-alikes

February 23, 2010 | Sports

Shaun White: the man behind the Mask

We’re casual observers of the Winter Olympics, pausing mid channel change to ponder the sad fate of Sonny Bono when watching the downhill.

One thing we’ve noticed is that apart from figure skating, which has knee cappings and adjudicators who make their Vegas ringside counterparts look like Supreme Court appointees in comparison, the profile of other sports tends to be a bit lower.

This we believe is mostly due to the difficulty in distinguishing who’s who under helmets, behind the goggles and under those Lycra suits.

As a public service, we thought we’d make it a bit easier, especially for those of you who err toward the couch potato side of the athletic continuum with this, our rundown of Winter Olympic athletes and their celebrity doppelgangers.

 

Shaun White / Eric Stoltz

White resembles fellow fire crotcher and star of Mask, Eric Stoltz, though neither of whom were included in our ever popular Kick a Ginger Day post. In the movie, Stoltz plays a kid born with a skull deformity who is raised by his biker mom and yet isn’t introduced as a heel in the backyard wrestling circuit. Incredibly, IMDB still has a plot spoiler alert as if that precis wasn’t enough of a deterrent.

Ironically, Cher co-starred, which in a way was a foreshadowing of her current visage. Speaking of ventriloquism, it, along with prop comedy and impressions form the bottom rung of the comedy circuit. Of course, the king of the prop com world is Carrot Top, who many say, in a comparison that is completely unflattering, resembles White.  [Editor's note: Jeff Ross once said of Mr Top, "he's had so much plastic surgery he's starting to look like Carrot Bottom"]

"Matt Hughes and Bode Miller"

Miller skis down, Hughes grounds and pounds

Bode Miller / Matt Hughes

Both on a downhill slide career wise, but for the former that’s a good thing. Hughes was of course, one of the best fighters of all time in Mixed Martial Arts/UFC,  who battled future hall-of-famers BJ Penn and Georges St Pierre. For the past decade it’s been “Miller time”, as Bode’s been America’s most decorated alpine skier.

These two athletes could not be more different.

One is a former partier who described skiing drunk on 60 Minutes and partying “at an Olympic level”, something we definitely respect, while the other is a stoic family man who is never beyond an arm-bar’s reach of his trusty Good Book.

Roberto Luongo / Eric Bogosian

Bogosian came to prominence in the 1988 thriller Talk Radio, where he played a beleaguered talk radio host stalked by one his bat-shit crazy listeners, then tormented by threatening letters and bomb threats. We envision similar reactions surrounding the performance of the Team Canada hockey team.

Luongo is the Canadian goalie who backed up Martin Brodeur, who against the US national team, let in more softies than a Weightwatchers convention.

Bogosian, incredibly, is not Jewish but Armenian American and might fit in our future list of People who Could be Jewish But Aren’t, like Jimmy Kimmel. He’s currently on the cop show spin-off, Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Henrik Tallinder / Hugh Laurie

Tallinder is a big Swede who plays for the Buffalo Sabres and the Swedish National Team. The less said about him, the better, as frankly, we’ve got nothing. And we’re talking, not even a welfare state/IKEA/Swedish bikini team joke.

Laurie of course, was a standout in the TV series Blackadder and portrays Dr Gregory House, a morose medic who spends the bulk of a House episode running every diagnostic test imaginable, bad-mouthing his subordinates and making a life-saving diagnosis with seconds to spare before the late night news airs.

Lindsey Vonn / Malin Akerman

Akerman starred in The Heartbreak Kid, The Proposal, Couples Retreat, and Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle—the latter partly filmed in Toronto [Factoid: There are absolutely no White Castle burger franchise locations anywhere in Canada. Ah, the magic of movie-making].

Vonn is a Minnesota native who is the first American to win gold in a the women’s downhill. What else can we say other than she was photographed for Sports Illustrated wearing a tiny bikini we’re fairly certain violates some International Olympic Committee codes of conduct.

Apolo Ohno / Karate Kid Ralph Macchio / Dave Navarro

Dave Navarro strummed along with Jane’s Addiction

Apolo Ohno is the US’ most decorated Winter Olympian who’s got his own Mr Miyagi: his Japanese-born father. Ohno is one of only four Americans who have won three medals in a single Winter Olympic games.

David Navarro, former guitarist for the seminal 90s alternative rock act, Jane’s Addiction, is one of only 400 males who’s been linked to Carmen Electra in the past decade.

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  1. You forget Stephen Colbert member of U.S. speedskate team. After all the bad things he say about Canada, he look like pile of refuse. Red hair sexy, though.

    Reply

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