Top 10 Reasons You Should Not Link To This Post

March 25, 2013 | Lists

train_to_nowhere1. Does not confirm or play to your long held and well cultivated biases.

2. No nostalgic references to shows or films from your childhood that you grew fond of before developing the critical faculties to recognize how terrible they really were.

3. We will not admonish anyone to “Keep calm and carry on”. Drop whatever it is you’re doing and scream.

4. Does not bemoan technological progress and hanker for less complicated times when people separated by distance would only communicate twice a year due to expensive long distance telephone fees and letter writer apathy.

5. No animals — if you’re looking for a photo of a cat with a caption suggesting it has a brain bigger than a walnut and is bent on world domination, you’re out of luck.

6. No landscape clip art featuring new age banalities from either a best-selling “spiritual guru” or anonymous people who were shut out of the greeting card industry by the rise of the internet.

7. Free of foreigners — or rural people in your own countries — doing wacky things.

8. Contains a sentence, actually this one, that exceeds what most web pundits suggest is the optimal length when it comes to writing for the web because readers in this day and age have short attention spans and are unlikely to make it to the full stop. On a related point, these pundits say that rather than reading web pages, people scan them so having short paragraphs is preferable to longer ones — so you’ve likely skipped over this entry. Inexhaustible, the experts also say that varying sentence world length keeps the writer engaged. Good idea. Screw them. (Or we would say that if they could possibly have made it this far).

9. No pictures of babies pulling faces with accompanying captions suggesting that the child is way more skilled in language than his or her years would allow and is also vulgar.

10. Has the SEO link value of running outside and pointing at someone with your index finger.

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