August 31, 2010 | Lists

The book industry is going through a period of transition of the kind typically heralded by the arrival of a hearse. As books struggle with the ephemeral, richly pornographic online world, one of the techniques publishers use to latch on to consumers’ ever-shrinking attention spans is to give their tomes memorable, controversial, and occasionally offensive titles.

E-readers can only help in this regard. In the past, one might have slipped a Michael Ondaatje book cover over “Goat Love: One Man’s Highland Yearnings” in order to avoid causing a titter on the subway. E-readers now mean that one’s terrible taste in books can be kept as safely hidden as one’s risible taste in music – unless your summer library reading list is subpoenaed, in which case you might suddenly find yourself with a whole lot of free time for reading.

Some titles are utterly benign: Nobody will construe Eat, Pray Love as an injunction to follow literal scripture and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance isn’t going to run afoul of devout Buddhists with bus passes. As it says in The Secret—curiously titled as secrets are not meant to be divulged, especially when they read like bathroom graffiti at Hallmark — “Choose your thoughts carefully… you are a masterpiece of your life!” One would assume these titles were all carefully chosen for effect, and when it comes to ability to turn heads at a bookstore, we’d rate them up there with a streaker running through the botanical plants section. Here is our list of the Top 10 Most Controversial Book Titles released by major publishers — self-published screeds read only by authorities in the wake of a terrible crime have been excluded. 

10.  The White Man’s Burden: Why the West’s Efforts to Aid the Rest Have Done So Much Ill and So Little Good by William Easterly.

Easterly makes a case for cheapskates in this anti-humanitarian aid polemic, which won’t see him passing breadrolls to Bono at an $8000/ plate buffet. While some may agree with his stance that poverty is best overcome through grass-roots, indigenous movements, the loaded title garnered more attention than, “Save your money for a cup of coffee a day: Arguments against humanitarian aid” would have.

Alternate Title: They Know It’s Christmas. Band Aids don’t Work.

Honorable Mention: Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition: English Sea Rovers in the 17th Century Caribbean by B.R. Burg

Had the Epcot Centre’s Pirates of the Carribean ride been based on this tome it would have a distinctly different tenor and be less attractive as a mainstream movie franchise.  What, the author asks, did these men, often on the high seas for years at a time, do for sexual fulfillment? Well, the poor cabin boy has some stories to tell.

9.  White Slave: The Autobiography of Chef Marco Pierre White.

Chef White, who famously once reduced Chef Gordon Ramsay to tears— and not because he rubbed a scotch bonnet in his face — had his chef’s whites/surname/Caucasian triple entendre excised for the US release, The Devil in the Kitchen: Sex, Pain, Madness, and the Making of a Great Chef. Not surprisingly, slavery doesn’t sell on these shores when it applies to those who can’t jump.

Alternate Title: Little White Truths.

8.  The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice by Christopher Hitchens.

In this cheery tome, Hitch unleashes a stinging exposition of the world’s most famous Albanian. [The second being Adil Hoxha, Bart's student exchange on The Simpsons, the third, possibly Albanian Canadian former hockey goon Tie Domi].

Hitch writes [Mother Teresa] “was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God.” [Editors' note: As an aside, a joke Christopher is fond of telling "Why don't Jews drink? Because it numbs the pain."]

Alternate Title: Missionary Impossible.

7.  That Bitch: Protect Yourself Against Women with Malicious Intent by Roy Sheppard and Mary Cleary.

According to its Amazon description, “The book explores the lying, cheating, conniving and manipulation of women with malicious intent.”

Probably not a good one to whip out for a quick check during a speed-dating event or to be seen carrying on a bus when a cute coed steps on. Going out in public with this title slung under your arm will nearly guarantee a wider berth than most body odours or swining a machete. If the Amazon description is anything to go by, it may, however, prove to be an invaluable tool in a person’s quest to cling to bitterness and let one negative experience inform your opinion of huge sections of the population.

Alternate Title: It’s a Man’s World: Inside My Lonely Bachelor Existence.

6.  Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake

When it comes to gold digging, only a Newmont Mining exploration would come close  to this effort, which asks “why does society applaud a girl who falls for a guy’s ‘big blue eyes’ (one-half of the Shark Guys applauds along with society) yet denounces one who chooses a man with a ‘big green bankroll’”?

As one reviewer says “I could see this as a great book club choice”, but for our money, if we were to wield a book like a club, we would select something of Proustian length.

Alternate Title: Not Without Dinner and a Show First: The Price of a Smart Girl’s Company.

5.  Why Do I Vomit? and Other Questions about Digestion by Angela Royston

We’ve delved into this issue earlier in our list of the Top 10 Worst Cookbooks (Cooking with Balls for example, is unfortunately not a euphemism). This book, How long does food stay in your body? Why does your stomach rumble when you’re hungry? Why should you eat vegetables? Why is pizza overwhelmingly the most common food stuff vomited late at night in alleys? (ok, we made up that last one).

The ideal gag gift. Get it!?

Alternate Title: Beer Before Liquor, Never Sicker: Tales from the porcelain throne.

Honorable Mention:

God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens

Hitchens again with this condemnation of “celestial dictatorships” and call for a new age of enlightenment to move beyond the worship of a deity who shares much in common with Santa Claus or a really dedicated stalker — knows when you’re sleeping, knows when you’re awake…

4.  Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete by William C. Rhoden

The ‘slave’ analogy is hard so swallow when pro athletes can use Ben Franklins to snort cocaine and then leave the bills as tips—The Miami Heat’s two newest superstars, for example, LeBron James and Chris Bosh signed matching six-year, $110.1 million contracts recently, so it’s safe to say they won’t be availing themselves of a bus pass any time over the next 5 decades.

Alternate Title: When I Shoot Freethrows I Earn as Much as you do in a Week

3.  The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

Dawkins, the most arrogant member of the so-called New Atheist movement, famously suggested that critically thinking people should, to differentiate themselves from the dullard hoi polloi, call themselves “brights”, which, in one  sense at least, is not a very bright at idea at all.

2.  The Trouble with Islam by Irshad Manji

As journalist Johann Hari put it, “it would be hard for anybody to guess that [Manji] is the star attraction on jihadist death-lists. She has the small, slender body of a ballet-dancer, and a Concorde-speed Canadian voice that makes her sound more like a character in a Woody Allen movie than an enemy of Osama Bin Laden’s.”

Suggested title: I Slam Islam.

Honorable Mention: Semen For Sale. All About Artificial Insemination.
by D.O. Cauldwell

This is not a sequel to the aforementioned book on pirates. It is important to note the missing ‘a’ in the first word.

Alternate Title: O Cum, all Ye Fertile.

1.   N*gger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word

by Randall Kennedy.

Yep, this wins the prize for ability to cause the greatest offense using the fewest letters. Much like you should not shout “fire” in a crowded theater, unless it was at a live finale taping of The Apprentice, shouting “n*gger” in one, tests the limits of free speech and one’s ability to run from large groups of people wishing to imprint your face in the sidewalk.

[Editors' note: We chose to, of course, focus solely on English language works. We're almost certain something penned in one of India's 16 vernacular languages or books of dirty German limericks feature titles as flinch-worthy as any described  here.]