Top 10 Iphone Apps We’d Like To See
June 23, 2010 | Lists
The Iphone 4G is here, meaning a repeat of the inexplicable phenomenon whereby people stand in line for hours to be among the first to experience a new technology.
Now for children, this is acceptable. Many an urchin of the 80s or a parental proxy wasted precious life hours in anticipation of the latest in the Super Mario series, but this had its practical aspect – being the first to master one of those games meant bragging rights and a position of prestige that would have been unattainable for someone who does poorly in school, looks anemic and whose survival is fuelled mainly by Doritos.
Most adults realize how repugnant lineups are and only get in them when they have no other alternative, like a vaccine for a particularly virulent strain of human-eliminating pandemic, or when your country’s infrastructure has fallen apart and they’re handing out vouchers for bread.
Regardless, the new Iphone 4G will be welcomed like the Knights Templar were by starving pilgrims by those with nothing better to do with their time (“staring placidly at an oil slick in one’s driveway that looks like a zoo creature” is still several places ahead of “Wait in line for new Iphone that will soon be obsolete due to constantly changing nature of universe”).
While gadget gurus slather over the Iphone 4G, we would like to suggest 10 apps that we think could make the Iphone worth your wait: iphone apps we’d like to see
Lets you automaticallly filter the fellating of new gadgetry by tech gurus on Twitter/Facebook by eliminating the phrases ‘app, Iphone, apps, Ipad, Ipod’
Whip up amazing hangover remedies from top Food Network chefs. Offered in large font and neutral colors.
Don’t Know Which End is App.
Locates the nearest hospital for those in the midst of a drug or alcohol binge.
With the touch of a button, answers 800-numbers with racist, sexist or homophobic, expletive-fuelled tirades against telemarketers.
I’d Tap that App
Watch trailers from only the most fetching Hollywood actresses. App filters out those whose films are most likely to appear as a critic’s pick at Sundance.
Cap that App
Guide to the city’s least desirable neighborhoods according to gang activity, median income, unemployment, grafitti, run-down social services.
Tracks weather conditions and a host of other ready made excuses (bus route delays, protests, charity marathons) that could possibly be used by people who want to avoid getting out of their pajamas.
Instantly explore a 1000-picture library of contrition from around the globe. Helps you locate the nearest 24-hour florists/chocolatiers in your immediate vicinity.
Flashing red and white lights and high pitched screams that attract the attention of waitstaff from the comfort of your table by the kitchen door.
Provides instant judgments on whether a particular behavior is inappropriate. Perfect for the mortician debating whether he should give his mobile phone number to a particularly comely member of the departed’s extended family who does not appear to be taking the death too hard.