Sharks VS Rabbits: 20 Reasons why Sharks are Better

January 31, 2011 | Lists

1. Commercial pilots hang rabbit parts on the instrument panel for luck (if you see this, considering trying your luck with a standby).

2. If you launch a rabbit off a dock, which we do not explicitly advocate, especially if the owner is nearby and is licensed to carry a firearm, a shark will eat it if a barracuda does not get there first.

3. There are no movies in which people confide in an imaginary shark, because even an imaginary shark would probably eat them.  

4. Glenn Close could not boil a pet shark unless she had a really big cauldron.

5. Sharks, perhaps because of the importance of their sharp teeth, aren’t used to hawk cereal that rots them.  

6. Speaking of which, Easter is second only to Halloween and possibly British dental plans when it comes to rotting teeth.

7. Until 1912, rabbits were classified as rodentia, which means they were considered basically big rats with better PR but unlike rats, you are happy when they appear in a restaurant.

8. Carcharocles megalodon, a prehistoric shark, had 7 inch teeth and was one-third larger than a city bus. The largest whale shark is 36 tonnes. The largest rabbit in the world tips the scales at 50 lbs and looks well past fighting shape.

9. Sharks do not reproduce at a level at which you have to pay people to shoot them.

10. There are no first-person shooting games that involves blasting sharks.

11. Sharks eat turtles and do not lose races to them in fables.

12. There are no models of car named after a shark, whereas you can buy a junk box with electrical problems called the Volkswagen Rabbit.

13. Rabbits eat what’s left untouched when you order chicken wings at a bar. Sharks eat Samuel L. Jackson and pretty much everything else.

14. If you kept a pet shark, it would not shit small pellets all over your living room.  

15. The presence of a shark will send hundreds of bikinis running for the beach. Parties at Hef’s mansion are invitation-only.  

16. A giant jackrabbit killing machine did not launch the career of Steven Spielberg.

17. Rabbit punches are illlegal in all combat sports. Shark punches are not, because these are mostly ineffective, especially when used against sharks.

18. German rabbit stew is much more legal and delicious than shark fin soup.

19. Unlike white rabbits, great white sharks do not inspire bad psychedelic rock music.

20. There is no Rabbit Week on the Discovery Channel.

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