April 22, 2009 | Lists
Ironic sentiments from a hypnotist
The first place you’re likely to encounter a motivational speaker is a high school auditorium. Armed with laser pointers and talk of carpe diem as a life affirming alternative to carpe capitulum and shoving it into a toilet bowl, they’re welcome relief from the Magna Carta or quadratic equations—but then again, so is a fire drill.
Regardless of how many members of the student body have ever had to post bail, talk will habitually focus on what they want to do with their lives—which is inevitably anything but peddling easy answers in a headset.
Some of these motivational speakers have made lucrative careers motivating people to sign up for an expensive seminar or buy rip-off DVDs. To anyone who’s suffered these Up with People types, please join us in an ‘Up yours’ as we Sicilian salute 10 Annoying Motivational Speakers. [For the Top 5 Click Here]
10. Stedman Graham. Stedman Graham is chairman and CEO of S. Graham & Associates, but is better known as the guy who backed up the Brinks truck to Oprah’s Chicago penthouse as well as her straight alibi. Well, we’re not buying it, nor are we forking over his multi thousand dollar speaking fee, usually commanded by captains of industry, multiple gold medal winning Olympians or former presidents. According to our research the “best-selling author and businessman, shares his insight into how participants can…cultivate their potential, expand their opportunities and empower themselves to participate at all levels of leadership and organizational development.” With these choice words, Stedman can’t be written off easily, except one hopes, at tax time. [For our take on his amour, please see our Oprah Weighs 200 Lbs: Lock up your Cupboards]
9. Jim Helwig. Known for four moves when he wrestled as The Ultimate Warrior (if you count shaking the ring ropes) he turned to the lecture circuit and opined that “queering doesn’t make the world work”. His motivating, unsurprisingly, ended there so he turned to the web where he writes: “there are approximately 127 million adults in the U.S. who are overweight, 60 million obese, and 9 million severely obese. And what about all the other millions who do not do any exercise at all and miss out on the great life-quality benefits. What’s missing? Same thing that is always missing. The unvarnished truth and people’s unwillingness to accept it. My Warrior Workout START Kit is the truth.”
8. Shazzie. Her ‘Superfood’ spiel begins with a portentous “We have made ourselves living cesspools and driven doctors to invent names for our diseases”, a quote from Plato, a guy who was about a dozen and a half centuries away from knowing how blood circulated through the human body. The ‘Superfoods’ peddler then lashes out a at a dietitian critic with a wild ad hominem attack. (Re: a national TV appearance) “As I was in a different studio at the time I couldn’t see her, but… the way she looks compared to the way I look, proves everything. Super foods are for real”. If that argument didn’t sway you, try this one on for size: “My intuition strongly tells me that we’ve been introduced to exotic superfoods at a critical time in our evolution” and later “our return to paradise is unfolding before our very eyes”. Yep, the garden of Eden all by snacking on dandelions but make sure the family pet hasn’t beaten you to them first with a raised hind leg.
7. Fran Capo. She can speak over 600 words a minute and holds a Guinness record for the fastest talker. Let’s hope she charges a flat rate rather than by the hour. After watching what’s below, I’d be motivated to work on my comedy.
6. Marcus Buckingham. “Who the child is, versus who the child isn’t. The school system is set up to focus on the F!” If this was your bellyaching when you brought report cards back to mom, MB is the guy for you. Buckingham unsurprisingly, has gotten the Oprah seal of the approval, and whose audience, speaking of seals, will applaud along mindlessly to whatever claptrap he dangles in front of them. Here’s more from Buckingham: “Some schools are deliberately and explicitly trying to become ‘strength based’ (if you’re playing the motivational speaker drinking game, take a swig whenever you come across a cheesy buzzword—by this article’s end you’ll have fallen off your chair) trying to help kids identify what their strengths are and use them productively.” And if this same dud student grows up to fill cubicle space, he notes, in remarks that will be applauded by union members on smoke breaks everywhere: “Casting is important, if an employee is not performing at excellence, maybe she is not cast in the right role.”
Homer, Marge, Brad Goodman and 'little Rudiger'
We now turn to Springfield’s resident child rearing empowerer, Brad Goodman, on the Simpsons, whose shtick most closely resembles Buckingham’s.
Brad Goodman: We can all learn a lot from this young man here, this, this –
Bart Simpson: Rudiger.
Brad Goodman: — Rudiger. And if we can all be more like little Rudiger –
Marge Simpson: His name is Bart!!!
Brad Goodman: His name isn’t important! What’s important here is that this lad has fully developed ego integrity with well-defined boundaries.
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It’s almost as if Buckingham is TRYING to be the stereotype.
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http://www.bertmartinez.com has taught my sales team techniques on how to prospect customers, sell the customer, and maintain fruitful relationships with customers, which has led to additional sales! Martinez is an award winning motivational speaker, entrepreneur and trainer who amazes audiences, and transforms businesses.
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[...] I got a lot out of this book and I think that the message it contains is a very important one. Title : The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Author : Stephen R. Covey Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : Well read Bestseller After the Bible, no other single book has shaped my leadership mentality and disciplines like this one by Covey. I first read it in 1991 and his recommendations brought it all together for me. Success in effective living begins with Private Victory (Be Proactive, Begin with the end in mind, Put first things first) then moves on to Public Victory (Think Win-Win, Seek first to understand…then to be understood, Synergize), and finally back into personal effectiveness by Sharpening the Saw. These concepts are essential to weeding through all the fluff of the information age. This book also contains fantastic practical advice on living out one's priorities ("Exercise integrity at the moment of choice") and teamwork ("Defend those who are absent"). Title : Self-esteem Affirmations: Motivational Affirmations for Building Confidence and Recognizing Self-worth Author : Louise L. Hay Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : louise is fab! Louise Hay is the queen of personal development and healing. Louise's material is for everyone – after all, who has perfect self-esteem? Well actually, probably ME now as I've listened to this so many times! If you're interested in feeling good about yourself then you will find no better teacher than Louise, an inspirational guide and mentor. Title : Unleash the Warrior Within: Develop the Focus, Discipline, Confidence and Courage You Need to Achieve Unlimited Goals Author : Richard Machowicz Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : A Fantastic Book that gives you the kick up the ass Its not everyday you find someone writing on subjects they have personally , truly mastered.Richard takes you through his experiences as a Navy Seal and shows you how to face the challenges you face in life. A fantastic book I would recommend to anyone , Thank you for this book Richard. Other Related Resources: 1: http://drfitnessblog.com/2008/03/07/radio-show-recap-motivation-dos-and-donts-from-donna-krech-eating-well-magazines-salmon-farmed-or-wild-update-lose-weight-and-feed-the-hungry-with-potatoes-for-pounds-ellen-barretts-exer/2: http://motivationalimage.com/poker/3: http://www.mrinternetnews.com/blog/how-inward-motivation-leads-to-outward-results/4: http://www.soldiersperspective.us/2008/08/06/if-you-want-to-move-push-a-book-review/5: http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/04/22/10-annoying-motivational-speakers-part-i/ [...]
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[...] Title : Be Your Own Life Coach: How to Take Control of Your Life and Achieve Your Wildest Dreams Author : Fiona Harrold Rating : 1 Stars out of 5. Summary : ok but not great typivcal fiona harrold. shes better on paper than in person. she's very much the businesswoman. self promotion first. some of this book may help you. but i wouldnt bother attending her seminars. waste of time. Title : The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Author : Stephen R. Covey Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : Well read Bestseller After the Bible, no other single book has shaped my leadership mentality and disciplines like this one by Covey. I first read it in 1991 and his recommendations brought it all together for me. Success in effective living begins with Private Victory (Be Proactive, Begin with the end in mind, Put first things first) then moves on to Public Victory (Think Win-Win, Seek first to understand…then to be understood, Synergize), and finally back into personal effectiveness by Sharpening the Saw. These concepts are essential to weeding through all the fluff of the information age. This book also contains fantastic practical advice on living out one's priorities ("Exercise integrity at the moment of choice") and teamwork ("Defend those who are absent"). Title : Think and Grow Rich!: The Original Version, Restored and Revised Author : Napoleon Hill Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : The Version of Think and Grow Rich to Rule Them All! This is one book I always get something new out of with every subsequent reading, even if I only flip to a random page. All you have to do is decide what you want and like so many have discovered, this book will show you the steps to get it. Ross Cornwell's version restores chunks of texts removed from the 60's Ballantine paperback ('The Secret' enthusiasts will be pleased with what they'll find). This version also provides extensive endnotes to deepen the understanding and appreciation of Dr. Hill's 20 year research into the science of success. Unlike footnotes in other editions, the endnotes also allow for uninterrupted reading of the main text. Order multiple copies of this one because it'll wear out from use very quickly and consider any copy you lend out as a gift because I can't imagine there's any way they'll willingly return it back to you. Title : It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want To Be Author : Paul Arden Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : MUST HAVE I found this book amazing seriously, at the beginning it took me time to grasp the meanings it had, the i realized its one of those books that you are not suppose to be reading it all at once, what i did was i read two or three things a day and grasp it very well and try to motivate my self on doing it and make sure imagining myself doing it so i could remember if i was in such situiation my reaction would fit. really you will understand once you get this book hope you will think of it the same way i did. Title : The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens: The Ultimate Teenage Success Guide Author : Sean Covey Rating : 4 Stars out of 5. Summary : Easier to read than original I've had the original for about 3 years and never got past the third chapter. I dug it out about a month ago with a new steely determination to read it. That is until I spotted Stephen Covey's son Sean's book habits for teens. This was really effortless to read. This really covers the ground of his dad's book but with a more 'young' and 'fun' enthusiasm to it. I've Knocked off a star as it doesn't cover a topic about habits that I believe is the most important point of all about the power of habits. Having said that it certainly does cover a lot of ground and should be read as a great understanding of habits. Title : The Four Agreements: Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (Toltec Wisdom) Author : Don Miguel Ruiz Rating : 5 Stars out of 5. Summary : So simple it made me sit up and take action. I highly successful business colleague gave me this book. Another book that contains principles so simple you want to slap yourself for dragging your feet and into sorting yourself out and having the rewarding life you want. This book is truly written with warmth and love that can be felt when reading. Other Related Resources: 1: http://blogs.rapidcityjournal.com/life_past_sixty_five/?p=142: http://depletedcranium.com/?p=2463: http://vandelaydesign.com/blog/galleries/music-websites/4: http://www.heart-valve-surgery.com/heart-surgery-blog/2007/09/25/excellent-patient-quote-2-heart-surgery-recovery-by-kathy-benson5: http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/04/22/10-annoying-motivational-speakers-part-i/ [...]
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So, the only reason Helwig makes your list is that he doesn’t adore homosexuals like an enlightened, properly feminized sensitive post-’90s male should?
Your list is a lame compilation of ad hominem hogwash, and you are a weak moron.