Drunk Restrained with Duct Tape
January 7, 2013 | Drunk Stories
As we related in a previous post and even in our tribute to real-life drunk antics, The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery, duct tape has many uses.
One is as a zinger hammered into the ground on blue collar sitcoms – cutting self-deprecation to hide the personal failings of your average alcoholic handyman, or as a suggested fix for a vehicle totaled by an incorrigible teen.
In less family-friendly venues, duct tape seals the gobs of police hostages, so that their partners in the force have 42 minutes (not including commercials), with which to rescue them or have them escape through an impossibly large air vent.
Other sadistic TV baddies will let a hostage grow a mustache first, make sure that the tape covers it, and then, once in a soundproof room, inquire “What’s that? I can’t quite hear you”, before ripping it off in one cruel tug (a cruel move that will prove not nearly as cruel as a subsequent one – foregoing the ransom and just shooting the hostage because hauling them out to the van would throw out their backs).
But duct-tape has heroic uses as well. It can be used (and this is just speculation) to strap a deer to the roof of your car, but also to restrain drunk passengers on transatlantic flights (there just isn’t enough time on short intercity domestic ones).
A drunk on a flight from Reykjavik to New York City reportedly drank his “entire quota of duty free liquor” in the first hour of the flight. If this wasn’t enough to further punish a traveler already psychically damaged by Matthew McConaughey’s unheralded appearance in the in-fight movie, the man tried to choke another passenger and finally (and this is why we wash Gravol down with gin & tonics when we fly), screaming that the plane was going to crash.