April 27, 2010 | religion

March 12, 2010 | religion,weird news

Call him the non-stick Nazarene.

The Telegraph reported that Toby Elles, a bank cashier, nearly checked out when he “fell asleep cooking some bacon” and awoke, startled to find that cooked into the skillet was non other than the pan-seared prophet himself.

“My housemates and I had a few beers earlier in the evening [Editors' note: this should come as no surprise to anyone] and I thought I would snack before going to bed and as it was cooking I decided to take a rest on the couch. When I woke up about an hour later the room was full of smoke.”

That the Savior would be rendered in bacon fat  is in keeping with his artery-clogging culinary tour which has included pancakes, fish sticks, Pizza Hut pasta, pierogis and Kit Kat bars. Considering his name is so often uttered in restaurant kitchens (albeit with the modifying gerund in between that starts with ‘F’ and ends in ‘G’) perhaps it’s not suprising that he’s been made to order.   

Elles, who is considering making a glass case for his find, considers it a miracle and that the image is uneqivocally JC, however we’re not so sure (see pic below).

The crusty likeness could also easily be South American Marxist revolutionary and noted t-shirt Che Guevara and not just because it suits the name, but 70s-era Eagles guitarist Glenn Frey.

Also, a case could be made for Daniel Day Lewis as Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York, WWE wrestler Al Snow, possibly Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider and at one time or another, all members of the Allman Brothers Band except the black guy.

February 19, 2010 | religion

We’d like to extend  our sincerest well-wishings to the family of wrestling’s most agile big-man, the late André René Roussimoff, or as he was known to fans of the squared circle, Andre the Giant, for his recent beatification.

It’s high time the Vatican and pretty much everyone else, finally recognized his work, both as a pioneer in the world of sports entertainment, as a strongman, showman and for his marble-mouthed, yet highly underrated turn in The Princess Bride opposite Mandy Patinkin and Cary Elwes (and to a much lesser extent, his feud with the Masked Superstar/Maurauder and brief tag-team work with Jimmy Superfly Snuka).

As Gorilla Monsoon noted, “you should see him dial a phone”.

For a man who gave everything he got, inspiring terror in the faces of Japanese taxi drivers, we honor this sainthood announcement from the Vatican, which was a long-time coming.

May many a high-school sweat suit in eastern Canada, be graced with his name.