March 11, 2010 | Mad Science

In the 90s, in a fad that had a shelf life of your average cheese curd, so-called ‘oxygen bars’ dotted the landscape, offering patrons a way to get light-headed that was ostenibly healthier than the usual elbow-tilting self-pitying milieu of the local tavern.

This was, of course, until killjoys pointed out that oxygen is already carried optimally through the bloodstream and that unless you’re piggybacking a Sherpa or a morbidly obese football player winded after a sprint to the Gatorade, you’re unlikely to benefit from sucking face with O2.
 
Worse, breathing oxygen through a plastic hose was found to be actually  harmful, and not just aesthetically-speaking. Of course, this didn’t stop folks like Woody Harrelson (featured in our list of 911 Nutcases) from opening such an establishment.

The fad has mostly faded along with the plaid shirts purchased for $85 dollars during that decade.
 
Now, oxygen’s effects are being revisited, although with a different conduit than something rammed up your nostrils: the drink itself. It’s possible that when 90s nostalgia invariably breaks, shuttered oxygen bars may make a triumphant return, although not with oxygen concentrators, but through the actual content of the drinks.

Scientists in Korea have developed more oxygenated alcohol and have found that the effects of a hangover—usually that one facet of drinking that prevents most people from turning into full-blown alcoholics—can be diminished. According to reports, “alcohol was processed significantly quicker with drinks that had a higher oxygen content”, and that this sobering effect was in addition to mitigating the effects of a hangover. Of course, one thing not taken into account was the Bud Lite Effect—the need to pound 12 of these impotent potables instead of 6 beers of normal strength in order to get the same buzz not to mention just how quickly brewers/distillers would adopt this into their production process.

January 18, 2010 | Mad Science

It’s a problem that has plagued many a thoughtful mind during that period when one week transitions into the next. Weekends, which often include Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday, give rise to pleasant feelings that are largely absent on days occurring toward the start or middle of the week.

The disparity is perplexing because by most external indicators each day of the week shares many similarities with every other day. The sun rises and sets on weekends just as it does on weekdays, and just because it’s Sunday doesn’t mean that it’s any less illegal to, say, sell a kidney online.

The significance of both Saturday and Sunday beginning with the letter “S” has been explored, but researchers have been unable to agree on a theory as to why this alone would send serotonin levels soaring.

Livescience.com reports on a groundbreaking study conducted by the University of Rochester and published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology that may finally have cracked the code as to why people feel better on the weekend.

The results are sure to cause your brain to blow out the back of your head in shock: the researchers claim people experience mood boosts on weekends because they are free from the strictures of the workplace.

Adults between the ages of 18 to 62 were monitored over a period of three weeks and asked to specify by pager what they were doing three times daily, and what effect the activity was having on their moods on a seven point scale.

The results were surprising.

Workers across the board felt better on weekends – regardless of income, hours, education, age, marital status, genital piercings, number of Facebook friends, number of times the person has fallen victim to a telemarketing scam, and whether or not the person is on an FBI No Fly list, or had an ancestor who died of TB.

But why?

The five days leading up to the weekend are spent dealing with infighting, one-upmanship and the oppressive pettiness of one’s fellow workers along with swallowing the dictates of a vindictive manager with an elephant’s memory for grudges. And all this as the pervasive threat of a shit-canning justified by the downturn hangs in the air.

What more do you need to enjoy life? Drugs?

Participants in the study told researchers that they felt more autonomous when they were not working, and that Saturdays and Sundays were often spent doing activities of their own choosing, rather than those chosen by some guy who makes two bucks more than you an hour but still gets to be a bastard because he has “supervisor” next to his name.

By contrast, an average weekday “is replete with activities involving external controls, time pressures, and demands on behavior related to work, child care and other constraints,” the authors wrote.

Participants also enjoyed spending time with family members and close friends rather than being forced into the company of “colleagues with whom they share limited emotional connections.”

Further research is needed to determine if workers prefer defecating at the office, or in their own homes.

November 4, 2009 | Mad Science

Last year at this time, after analyzing President Barack Obama’s profile as a consumer of alcoholic beverages, we wrote: “In the spirit of fresh starts and fresh pints, we raise a glass to the president and hope that there’s more cause for celebratory drinking – as opposed to the misery-drowning drinking of recent times – over the next four years.”

We’re not here to dissect Obama’s political performance over the past year. As internet trolls have made it clear to us in our online pursuits, there is no pleasing everybody (once one steps off the set of the World’s Biggest Gangbang that is).

We’d like to spare a thought for those who weren’t enjoying election night nookie with their liberal-leaning sweetie pies one year ago,  but who instead supported the losing ticket and who, according to a recent study, saw their testosterone levels drop along with their hopes of electing a man president who was older than most museum exhibits.

To emasculated and defeated, we can add “obese”, and “filling out the questionairre in death’s waiting room”.

The graphic below shows how the voting breakdown last year went along party lines. Obese states are so indicated by the placement of the late, great, freight train Yokozuna, while light states are indicated by our favorite orange representative of home fitness products, Chalene (of Turbo Jam fame). It is clear that Chalene’s presence in states that voted for Obama is as ubiquitous as the presence of her company’s marketing people on blogs that mention their products.

A study has shown recently that obese people are more likely to be killed by swine flu than skinny people (bacon intake thus is a risk factor, but not an isolated one). Heavier people tend to have more health problems in general and are less able to stave off disease than skinny folk, and also they are slower-moving and then less likely to be able to catch a doctor sprinting away once he sniffs a cut-rate insurance policy.

To recap, here’s what those who voted for the McCain/Palin ticket have had to face: one year of a president they can’t stand, awkward midnight explanations to the missus about how “this has never happened to me before”, and the spectre of death in a pandemic.