May 21, 2010 | reviews

As we learned from that terrible Michael Moore documentary, Torontonians apparently do not lock their doors.

However, even if such precautions were taken it would not have stopped the horticultural heist here.

As a special public service announcement, we’d like to help get the word out about this theft (assuming the botanical brigand has long since abandoned this particular alley in favor of other, more flora-filled backyards and is a fan of the site) and ask that the thief please return said flowers to this particular west Toronto address.

We ask simply that this gesture be done promptly and if possible, for a local newscast to profile us in one of their ‘local heroes’ segments.  

While we are on the subject of PSAs, and on a more serious note, we ask that that people also watch out for, or more threateningly, to beware of, KILLER KIDS.  

Why is it that we as a society are so afraid to open our doors for fear of being handed wacky religious pamphlets rather than having them slipped through a mail slot?

It’s because of the theory of evolution!

It’s not violent video games, brutal images from movies or as it was in our respective cases growing up, well-executed tomahawk chops by grappler Ricky ‘the Dragon’ Steamboat; As it states in the Epistle of Jude 10 (shortly after something about “taking a sad song and making it better”) ”as brute beasts in those things they corrupt themselves”.

If that phrase was too ambiguous for you, it’s spelled out below: “man has evolved from animals and if you teach children they come from animals, do not be surprised when they begin to act like them!”

Does this mean not signing off on those zoo waiver forms for school trips?