Tags: as seen on tv, television
April 28, 2010 | lists
TV Networks have discharged more crap than a sump pump. Like Dante’s Inferno, television is multi-layered; Before anything gets to air, programs go through what in industry jargon is called ‘development hell’, wherein characters are revised, excised, and a revolving door of writers are brought in to tinker with the final product, which, if it’s anything like Two and a Half Men, becomes hell for the viewer.
While it’s true that the occasional piece of quality programming bubbles to the surface, it’s also true that for the most part, many scripts aren’t worth your average Tweet. But why go through the above at all, when you can sic a camera on someone voluble and suitably unhinged and call it a reality show?
Here are 10 TV Show Ideas we’d be willing to produce and perhaps star in, should the opportunity arise.
10. Do I Know you?
Average schmoes think they are related to celebrities. Historians and archivists see which otherwise unremarkable schlub shares a great aunt with Sarah Jessica Parker and other celebrities, who subsequently invoke a restraining order against their new-found relations.
9. Last Amputee Standing
Prosthetic limb stand-off. Contestants vie to see who can stand on one foot while a group of panellists discuss current events, occasionally making reference to the participants should one fall over.
8. Wife Share
Swinging couples swap spouses and compare relative sexual prowess. Each week, couples are pitted against one another and through online voting, one is sent on to the next round, while the loser is sent off to copulate with someone far less attractive.
7. CSI Swainsboro
Detectives from a small backwoods Georgia town have not seen a murder since 1987 and fear their forensic skills are deteriorating as a result.
6. The Brothers White
Two brothers who are also “brothers” with the surname “White”, encounter racial discrimination and confusion (are you white? Yes! But I thought…) in this family-friendly working-class sitcom. Spin-off: Two Black Guys, featuring two white guys named “Black” who move into the neighborhood.
5. The Drunk Tank
Booze-hounds slur their way through flight-of-fancy business pitches to a panel of disinterested venture capitalist bartenders.
4. Extreme Makeover: Fraud Edition
Host and volunteers conspire to burn down a downtrodden family’s humble shack to collect on the insurance money.
3. Law & Order SUV
Detectives burn fossil fuels while on stake-out in a giant jeep. Captain’s suggestion of smaller, electric hybrid squad cars and tandem bicycles falls on deaf ears.
2. Dine & Dash
The Food Network’s top show for those on a tight budget. Hosts eat and skip off on the bill in some of the nation’s finest eateries.
1. 12 Steps
TLC show follows a group of sad-sack alcoholics as they dance their way to recovery.
4. Extreme Makeover: Fraud Edition
Host and volunteers conspire to burn down a downtrodden family’s humble shack to collect on the insurance money.
3. Law & Order SUV
Detectives burn fossil fuels while on stake-out in a giant jeep. Captain’s suggestion of smaller, electric hybrid squad cars and tandem bicycles falls on deaf ears.
2. Dine & Dash
The Food Network’s top show for those on a tight budget. Hosts eat and skip off on the bill in some of the nation’s finest eateries.
1. 12 Steps
TLC show follows a group of sad-sack alcoholics as they dance their way to recovery.
I nearly choked with laughter. Seriously, Dine & Dash and EM: Fraud Edition were hilarious!