January 13, 2010 | lists
A career in the performing arts sounds great because it doesn’t have any of the drawbacks of actual work – hard hats are worn only under heavily choreographed conditions. Performers do face their own set of challenges, however, such as keeping track of which crew member has which STD and dealing with indifferent — or in the case of opening acts whose welcomes are worn out the moment they take the stage — hostile audiences.
An ideal audience would be comprised of people without cell phones, who have cast-iron bladders and remain rapt throughout the show, responding in a manner appropriate to the performance – fist pumps for a hard rock band, or a twitch of a facial muscle to signify one is still drawing air during an interpretative dance performance. But if such crowds were commonplace and a career in the arts was that easy, everybody would be pursuing one – and by that we mean an even larger percentage of everyone than currently cattle it up for tryouts of those reality karaoke TV shows.
A brutal audience can reduce a performer to tears, but for the most part there is a respected line separating the beleaguered performer dying on stage and the hooting, jeering crowd that feels a two-drink minimum bestows the right to demean a stranger.
There are times, however, when audience/performer interaction goes beyond a roadie circulating in a crowd to invite two college girls for a backstage shower and mini Mardi Gras. Sometimes those who would only be under a spotlight if it was shone on them by prison guards feel the need to get involved. Here are the Top 10 Stage Rushes!
First, a Shark Guys’ video compilation of seven of the Top 10 Stage Rushes!
10. Keith Richards Swings
The Rolling Stones most infamous performance was undoubtedly their Altamont concert in 1969, when the late 1960s-like decision was made to give the security detail to the booze and meanness-fueled Hells Angels. More than a decade after that incident, Richards dealt with an unruly fan in a manner that makes one wonder if security details at Rolling Stones concerts have ever been necessary.
It was Richard’s 38th birthday, December 18, 1981 at the Hampton Coliseum in Virginia, during an encore of Satisfaction, when a fan rushed the stage in an attempt to nab a sweaty vest that Richards had taken off earlier in the show. Richards then set an example for everyone on this list about how to deal with intruders. Seeing the fan, Richards, not betraying the slightest hint of an internal debate as to what his next move should be, removed his guitar, bashed the interloper in the head with it, strapped the guitar back on and continued to play. Rock and Roll.
Ronnie Wood wondered perhaps if Richards could have dealt with the situation in a manner that did not involve connecting Telecaster to the skull of a what was perhaps just an overly excited fan, but Keith wouldn’t have any of it:
From Keith Richards: the unauthorised biography. Ron Wood: “I said, ‘Hey, Keith, he’s only a fan. No reason to fuckin’ hit him.’ And Keith went, ‘Oh, yeah? What if had a fuckin’ gun in his hand or a knife? I mean, he might be a fan, he might be a nutter, and he’s on my turf. I’m gonna chop the mother down!”
9. Jerry Sadowitz Can Blame Canada for a KO
Successful stand-up comics are those who are able to engage with their audiences. One way to do this is to choose one member of the audience who seems ripe for mockery — someone with a mullet, perhaps, or just a poor sap sweating with anxiety at the prospect of being singled out by a malevolent comic asshole — and give that person a Don Rickles-style razzing. Since people generally are monsters when gathered in large groups, such barbs will be met with approval, which is partly relief at not having been the one the comedian selected.
In 1991, Scottish comedian Jerry Sadowitz, aimed to cause offence on a larger scale — verbally attacking the entire crowd, rather than one unlucky sap — and paid for it. Performing at Montreal’s Just For Laughs Festival, Sadowitz may have banked too heavily on the placid, polite reputation of Canadians when he opened his set with, “Hello moosefuckers! I tell you why I hate Canada, half of you speak French, and the other half let them.” Sacre bleu! An audience member ran up on stage and clobbered Sadowitz, knocking him out with a punch.
8. Zappa nearly gets killed
It’s one thing to get punched out by a fan angered when you imply that he and his fellow countrymen use a moose’s antlers to steer during a sexual escapade; it is another entirely to be nearly sent to your death by a nutter in the audience. In 1971, Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention played a gig at London’s Rainbow Theatre. At a concert the previous week, Frank and the Mothers had had their equipment destroyed in a fire started when a yahoo in the audience threw a flare that started a fire and caused the casino in which they were performing to burn down. That was the lighthearted, fun part of the month for Frank and the boys.
At the Rainbow, an audience member rushed the stage and pushed Zappa into the orchestra pit, a 15-foot drop and a painful one as the floor was concrete and, like many orchestra pits of its time, this one did not have a net. His fellow band members were already rehearsing the funeral dirge. Zappa did not die, but was severely injured in the incident, which left him stuck in a wheelchair and unable to tour for more than six months. The fan who shoved Zappa into the pit purportedly gave dissatisfaction as his reason for nearly murdering the musical innovator, and composer of such classics as Catholic Girls and Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow. The man, who was sentenced to 12 months, said he did not believe he was getting his money’s worth out of the performance. We cannot imagine the kind of carnage that would ensue if vigilantes sought similar retribution today.
7. Phish Streaker.
Along with most metal bands, a Phish audience is one you’d least like to see exposed but unfortunately, as it’s comprised mostly of naturist nouveau hippies, you’re more apt to get an eyeful. If that wasn’t damaging enough to the senses, their music requires a pharmaceutical rep’s suitcase full of drugs to endure. As one commenter recently put it, “I’ve had Phish Phreaks say I need to free my mind….what do I have to be high to enjoy it? I could be high and throw cheerios into a toilet for 4 hours and think it was the greatest game ever.” We couldn’t agree more.
If their fans are like protesters at Kent State, call us the Ohio National Guard. For nearly interrupting 27 minutes of tuneless jam band senescence, we salute nude guy. It’s fitting that the gerund form of the band’s name refers to a scheme that separates people from their hard-earned cash.
6. Ol’ Dirty Bastard at the Grammys.
People forget that Kanye was not the first rapper to snatch an award away from a bland singer-songwriter. At the 1998 Grammy Awards, ‘Dirt McGirt’ AKA Big Baby Jesus, AKA Joe Bananas, hijacked the mic from Shawn Colvin during her acceptance speech and declared that filthy hip hop innovators Wu Tang Clan were ‘For the children!”
5. Protest Streak at Liverpool Theater.
It’s important in life to set goals. Mark Roberts, according to his website, is “attempting to break the world record for most naked/nearly naked people in one place at the same time”.
Roberts has struck at international soccer matches, the Cannes Film Festival, the Ascot, Snooker tournaments and most notably, the 2004 Superbowl. While all the world’s a stage, this player gets his props here for interrupting a more highbrow undertaking: the theater. Night Collar was a play about a taxi driver that included a minor character based on Roberts himself. The makers of the production were, Roberts called those behind the production “cheeky” (an interesting choice of words for a pro streaker) for not allowing him to audition to play himself. Roberts shed his clothes and hit the stage, in front of, of all people his mother, who noted: “It’s become a way of life for him, he enjoys it and I don’t think it offends people these days.”
4. Jackie Chan Jumps on Stage Drunk.
Chan is a natural fit here. He starred in Rush Hour, which co-starred Chris Tucker and thus means he is accustomed to annoying large masses of people.
Chan, at a concert for a Taiwanese pop star, proved he was a Drunken Master Baiter when he jumped on stage, swore at the crowd, demanded to sing a duet, called the band “arrogant” for not properly counting him in, and then further endeared himself to an increasingly hostile mob by declaring “Jackie Chan is drunk. Jackie Chan is doing whatever he wants”.
Presumably Chan had himself in mind when he gave the thumbs up to people having their personal liberties stamped upon with his controversial remarks last year about how Chinese people “need to be controlled” and too much freedom is not a good thing. “If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”
3. Noel Gallagher Shoved into Speaker’s Corner.
In the days of Vaudeville, the Apollo’s ‘Sandman’ Sims would haul sub-par performers offstage with a shepherd’s crook, which became known as ‘getting the hook’. This spared the audience from performers who had the cajones, but not the tact to continue performing despite being drowned out by boos and was probably a good security measure to counteract the type of violence that would soon be inflicted on them if they continued. Unfortunately, such measures aren’t employed today (or else Nickelback would have to change their name to Shorn Sheep) leaving people to take matters into their own hands when they feel a performance is not up to par. A Toronto-area man “so intoxicated he could not remember how he got there,” leapt on stage and shoved the Oasis singer into a speaker breaking three of his ribs, and given how polarizing that quasi Beatles cover band is, was touted as both a villain and a Facebook hero.
2. Bob Dylan and Soy Bomber
Bob Dylan was playing “Love Sick” at the 1998 Grammys when Michael Portnoy, a man who had originally been promised 200 bucks to stand in the background with other dancers and bob his head, stripped off his shirt to reveal the words “Soy Bomb” written on his chest and proceeded to dance.
Dylan can be seen trying to mentally will security guards over to pummel this guy, but the dancing went on for 40 seconds before someone realized that Dylan would not normally incorporate a half-naked guy doing interpretative dance into the performance of a brooding guitar-based number. Portnoy explained the Portnoy was not charged for the incident, though he was denied his 200 dollar head-bobbing fee.
1. Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift.
As years pass it’ll become easier to forget that this guy was once a talented rapper before churning out Eurotrash club music that would clear a dance floor quicker than an argument between a Blood and a Cripp. At the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards, West distinguished himself when he wrested an award away from a stunned teenager, at which point he should’ve been tackled and frog-marched out the building. Instead he gave birth to a meme, which we admittedly contributed to.
If you liked this, check out:
Top 10 Kanye West Interrupts Moments and More
25 Horrible Bands Named After Places
Top 10 Tips For Becoming A Successful Indie Band
“Hello moosefuckers! I tell you why I hate Canada, half of you speak French, and the other half let them.”[4]
Ha…I will never forget Kanye and how that move totally catapulted the word “douche” to a whole new level.