December 29, 2009 | Rants

1. In the last hour in the air, kneecap a flight attendant with a weighty copy of the Sunday New York Times. This is a positive development, as even without the NY Times Magazine insert, upper body torque worthy of a well-medicated Sammy Sosa could be generated.

2. Throttle a particularly annoying seatmate with your headphones (smothering them with a toxic smelling airline pillow can still be done from the comfort of your seat provided nobody is looking).

3. Enjoy, and we use the term more loosely than a draw string pant on The Biggest Loser, the latest madcap hi-jinks that have made Queen Latifah an unendurable part of the flying experience.

4. Be force-fed any in flight entertainment pre descent, featuring either Owen Wilson, Ryan Reynolds or Dermot Mulroney [please see our list of Top 10 Actors Whose Terrible Movies are Always Shown in-flight]

5. Aisle calisthenics, thereby robbing people of the ability to cartwheel from one end of the plane to the other to encourage blood flow.