November 12, 2009 | Drunk Stories

We’ve previously covered the growing movement in the US questioning the logic of why someone who is legally able to ruin their lives in so many ways – ie get married, fight in wars, shoot off firearms, vote, star in a porno and obtain a mortgage – is not allowed the freedom to legally get drunk and bemoan the terrible choices they have made in these areas. We support the lowering of the drinking age in the US even if it means that our border towns in Canada will no longer be overflowing with American college students tearing a path of destruction through our hotels and finer casinos and getting to know lap dancers on a first fake-name basis.

In Britain, the drinking situation is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Eighteen-year-olds there can belly up to the bar, order a whiskey straight-up with no ice, and put up with the laughter and derision of the hardened drinkers around them as they choke it back – and it’s all perfectly legal.  Beer sold in supermarkets is cheaper than bottled water and a law granting “24-hour bar licenses” was ushered in, promising a “cafe society” but in reality turned the place into paradise for youngsters looking to mature into full-blown alcoholics in as little time as possible.

Previously, last call had been at the ridiculously early 11pm, i.e, two hours after the serious partier has crawled out of bed and recovered from exploits the night before.  Pub crawlers forced out of the bar would then fill the streets, and in a state of frustration brought on by the desire for more drink, pummel one another.

It was thought that the 24-hour pubs would prevent drinkers from spilling out onto the streets at the same time. Critics say that it has instead given drinkers a goal to attain – drinking all night long before pouring out onto the streets en masse in a state of oblivion between 3 and 6am.

Lest we forget, a Sheffield student was caught with in the act of urinating on a war memorial and that may well have been the last straw.

It could be argued that left to his own devices in one of those Hobbesian states of nature, men who aren’t that guy shouldn’t need to consume alcoholic beverages beyond 4am. Most people, barring a spat with a loved one or a punch up with a complete stranger will generally go home of their own accord around two or three anyway. The key here is to get a few under your belt before that late hour so you can go home, drink and dial a loved one and upload embarrassing photos of yourself on Facebook. From that perspective, it would seem that New York and Chicago have it about right with their 4am last calls.

But what about shift workers and insomniacs? Alas, when it comes to matters of booze procurement, at least in some respects, the more freedom the better. We commend Britain for at least for not being as tight-assed about closing times as our native Toronto, which deigns to extend bar hours only during the Toronto International Film Festival where celebs can be counted on to be more sensible when blasted than the rest of us.