November 4, 2009 | Mad Science
Last year at this time, after analyzing President Barack Obama’s profile as a consumer of alcoholic beverages, we wrote: “In the spirit of fresh starts and fresh pints, we raise a glass to the president and hope that there’s more cause for celebratory drinking – as opposed to the misery-drowning drinking of recent times – over the next four years.”
We’re not here to dissect Obama’s political performance over the past year. As internet trolls have made it clear to us in our online pursuits, there is no pleasing everybody (once one steps off the set of the World’s Biggest Gangbang that is).
We’d like to spare a thought for those who weren’t enjoying election night nookie with their liberal-leaning sweetie pies one year ago, but who instead supported the losing ticket and who, according to a recent study, saw their testosterone levels drop along with their hopes of electing a man president who was older than most museum exhibits.
To emasculated and defeated, we can add “obese”, and “filling out the questionairre in death’s waiting room”.
The graphic below shows how the voting breakdown last year went along party lines. Obese states are so indicated by the placement of the late, great, freight train Yokozuna, while light states are indicated by our favorite orange representative of home fitness products, Chalene (of Turbo Jam fame). It is clear that Chalene’s presence in states that voted for Obama is as ubiquitous as the presence of her company’s marketing people on blogs that mention their products.
A study has shown recently that obese people are more likely to be killed by swine flu than skinny people (bacon intake thus is a risk factor, but not an isolated one). Heavier people tend to have more health problems in general and are less able to stave off disease than skinny folk, and also they are slower-moving and then less likely to be able to catch a doctor sprinting away once he sniffs a cut-rate insurance policy.
To recap, here’s what those who voted for the McCain/Palin ticket have had to face: one year of a president they can’t stand, awkward midnight explanations to the missus about how “this has never happened to me before”, and the spectre of death in a pandemic.
Not clever or entertaining, you have the writing fluency of a 12 year old
Thank you Dave:
We actually appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts, which, as far as philanthropy goes, are the equivalent of plunking a penny into a tip jar.
Feel free to bend over, while we take a running headstart and punt a pennyloafer up your pompous, anonymous ass.
But we thank you for tuning in.