August 13, 2009 | reviews
According to various testimonials, so-called “Yoga Jeans” are so comfortable you forget you are wearing them and while this might be considered a problem, especially if you’ve suffered from nightmares relating to not wearing pants, we see it as an opportunity: a chance to review the product without actually wearing them.
This is a new form of journalism we’ve created that we like to call ‘speculative journalism’ (if someone else claims to have invented it previously, then it’s one we’ve perfected) [Editor's note: For a previous example of this, please see our review of the Ab Circle Pro, which we would've given a rigorous run-through, were it not for sudden-onset vertigo as well as the product not fitting through the front door without several paint-chipping and product damaging tries]
The “Yoga Jean” is a perfect accessory if you’ve found work out clothes to be unnecessarily casual and not nearly stylish enough. If James Dean were around today, after fielding questions about how he cheated death on that stretch of California highway and reuniting with startled friends and relations—he would undoubtedly deck himself out in a Yoga Dean Jean, especially if he wanted to retain the physique he had at the time he cheated death if he hadn’t been doing so already.
Speaking of cheating death, yoga practitioners claim the exercise helps with circulation, breathing and flexibility and even those of us with an aversion to perspiring if at all possible—unless it’s under a patio umbrella with a pitcher—will acknowledge that there are definitely health benefits (Editor’s note: the heretofore ugly, stretchy synthetic materials available have thus far precluded our participation in any activity even remotely resembling yoga and in keeping with the ethos of ‘speculative journalism’, not only are we not going to don the product in question, we certainly aren’t about to start doing yoga in them either).
So, in advance of what we’re guessing will soon be the Yoga Three-piece suit, the Yoga Blazer and perhaps the Yoga Giant Novelty Styrofoam Hand we give you: the Yoga Jean.
A Montreal company has designed and developed them (with as yet no creative input from ourselves unless you count the previous paragraph), for the yoga market—one which, if our research is correct, consists of well over several hundred million sweaty people worldwide.
Be safe everyone and remember: Do not copiously sweat or submerge in water if wearing the aforementioned, as anyone clad in denim and who’s fallen off a dock drunk knows, it gets much heavier when wet.
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