As we’ve noted previously, when it comes to booze and consumer choice in our province, much like the tavern that pours only dregs from the bottom of one keg, there is very little. In fact, it’s completely absent in the People’s Republic of Ontario where real competition is stifled like fixed Mafia ‘Bum of the Month’ fights.
Why this is so is anyone’s guess (Freemasons?), but as it stands, a state-owned enterprise with annual revenues of nearly $5 billion dollars a year with the Orwellian handle, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario, has a firm grip on the market, like a drunk brown-bagging a Colt 45 (which you can purchase at the LCBO, but it’ll just cost you three times as much, mostly because of taxes—definitely out of the reach of your average brown-bagging rummy).
No booze for you!
Now this ridiculous enterprise, born out of Canada’s prohibition era and just as relevant is set to strike, coinciding nicely with the city of Toronto’s garbage strike, thus far in its second day of baking garbage like ziti out on the sweltering city streets, as Gay Pride hits its stride and the city readies itself for Caribana and the Jazz Festival.
For our American readers, LCBO outlets are incredibly opulent, not only by the standards of the interstate liquor barn—hell, they’re like grabbing a bottle of vino at a Macy’s department store (when you’re a monopoly, busy counting the endless $$$ like in a bad hip hop video, guess you have to spend it somewhere) and the prices reflect it. And this is despite the LCBO being the largest purchase of liquor in the world. (In second place is the thoughtfully-named PLCB, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board, with a pricing scheme that would be the envy of a Peruvian cocaine cartel. Wine and Spirits stores in Amish country, were allowed to be open on Sundays (gasp!) only as recently as 2003).
Boosters say “well, the selection is incredible!” and of course this is the case. If there wasn’t, people would complain bitterly and question the practice of state-run booze peddling. Pro monopoly advocates also suggest that the LCBO is considerably more strict than say, backstage security for your average rock band, when it comes to checking ID. This is a red herring, as anyone who’s attempted to buy liquor underage knows (that is, those people who’ve ever been between the ages of 16 and 18), it’s best procured by somebody’s older brother or by hanging around outside the parking lot and looking for someone who from outward appearances, is lacking in moral scruples.
Stock up everyone and sign whatever petition you can get your hands on to rid the province of this lumbering dinosaur, so we can buy booze where we please, you know…like adults.
Tags: alcohol, booze brands, lcbo
krausemouse: The gloves are weighted gloves. They aren’t just fingerless spandex gloves, they actually have 1-2 lb weights on them. I’m sure you COULD get them...
thesharkguys: @Sad Patriot. In a word: yes.
Sad Patriot: So we resort to singling out Celebrities to make a case against 911 Truthers ? MANY Professional Architects and Engineers also have questions. Should we make...
William: Why don’t they just take the alcohol out and give us water? Stupid scientists: Always messing with a good thing. If alcohol looses all of the positive...
thesharkguys: You are exceedingly welcome.
Yes, debunk Prohibition as it has been shown to encourage more underground drinks being sold to minors.
By the way, please visit my funny blog. Will love to do a link ex with you.