Tags: A-team, actors, television
June 10, 2009 | reviews
Even though they fired off enough rounds to make Columbine look like someone playing with a starter pistol, nobody ever got hurt. The A-Team was a crazy show, but in the context of the 80s it was par for the course.
In this decade, speaking of golf, there were certainly enough shows that were bunker- bound. Recall, it was the 1980s that brought us orange puppet aliens that lived with old, rich white guys, black midgets that lived with old, rich white guys, wisecracking butlers and boarding school lesbians who lived above a cafeteria, and in a unique twist, lived with an old white woman.
In terms of influence, The A-Team, like Oprah in a pair of spandex, casts a wide shadow. When one of us lived Europe we caught an episode, badly dubbed into halting German, called Das A-Team. Yes, the show was undoubtedly a huge cultural export.
The cast of characters includes four misfit miscreant mercenaries who may or may not have gotten away with war crimes in ‘Nam; a cigar chomping schemer, a bland, flim flam man (who when he wasn’t busy flim flamming, was also quite a ladies man), a crazed male pattern baldness-afflicted pilot and a strong-man mohawked mechanic who currently shills ovens on late night infomercials.
The A-Team featured a who’s who of guest stars, Hulk Hogan, Isaac Hayes, Rick James, William ‘The Refridgerator’ Perry and Pat Sajak (one of these things is not like the other, but we’re not sure which) and every plot line somehow involved something, usually a massive cache of weapons, ridiculously camouflaged and a van driven around with a machine gun affixed to the top or a getaway helicopter.
Apparently, Ridley Scott, responsible for more misfires than any episode of the not-exactly marksmen-like A-Team (Scott directed the awful American Gangster, the not nearly laughably bad enough G.I. Jane and the dull as dirt Gladiator—basically a long line of failures since Bladerunner and Alien) is signed on to direct an A-Team remake. According to Variety, Liam Neeson will try and salvage the role George Peppard made famous (Hannibal) and the guy in The Hangover will try and save Face.
But who will play mad Murdock or B.A. Baracus? If this question has been firing around in your synapses (further proof that more than half of our brains comprise fatty tissue), well, you’ve come to the right place as we’d like to offer a few suggestions as to who should round out the dramatis personae.
Quentin Rampage Jackson. There are rumors that Ice Cube (who is apparently playing Gabe Kaplan in a Welcome Back Cotter movie and not amenable to listening to any career advice of late) is set to portray BA Baracus (the B.A. stands for Bad Attitude not arts baccalaureate). Rampage would be a better choice though. Rampage was the guy who knocked Chuck Liddell out of Mixed Martial Arts as well as any more guest appearances on Entourage. Because he’s kind of at the tail end of his fighting career and not currently fielding offers to play The Junkyard Dog if the wrasslin’ biopic should ever come out, he’s free to spit out fool pityin’ catchphrases. Can he act? Does it matter? The original A-Team wasn’t exactly Edward Albee in his prime so Rampage should be able to handle “I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!”
Jack Black. Who says B.A. Baracus has to be black? We do. Jack Black. (Affirmative Action Jackson this would not be) He’d definitely be a close second if you’d like less action, more comedy.
Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey’s career could sure use a boost. He’d make a perfect Murdock, though some say Dwight from The Office, might get the nod.
Ryan Reynolds is definitely good looking and dull enough to be a respectable Face. Quotidian Ben Affleck and would-be comedian Dane Cook would also fill the role nicely.
If you’re interested in our thoughts about the Three Stooges Remake, click here.
Remake news has, unfortunately, become a staple of any film information outlet. But, I must say, the A-team seems like a perfect property to reboot. But, the recent news of Liam Neeson’s and Bradley Cooper’s involvement doesn’t even come close to your ideas.
Here were our runner-ups.
Sir Anthony Hopkins / James Caan as Hannibal
George Clooney as Face (although he’s too old)
Since Ice Cube is about a foot too short to play a believable B.A., Common would fit nicely.
Nobody is better than Jim Carrey for Murdock.
Steve Carell would be a great Face as well.