March 9, 2009 | reviews
Steve Martin recently said on a guest appearance on 30 Rock, “You can move to Canada with me. Toronto is like New York, but without all the STUFF”.
Lest you get the impression we watch 30 Rock, we don’t. Why? You can find less mugging for the camera when the Channel 6 weatherman visits an elementary school. 30 Rock is like Ally McBeal without the anorexia. What it has is the opposite: the increasingly hefty Alec Baldwin, easily the most talented Baldwin when it comes to eating your way out of the movie business. Tracy ‘what’s happ’n, chief?’ Morgan is about as funny as a cataract, but is occasionally funny because he inexplicably speaks in 90s Ebonics (we are not sure if this is intentional). It’s also got a guy with weird hair and a hat, who should be funny and Stephen Wright but isn’t and isn’t.
Steve Martin got us thinking…
1. What’s a genuinely funny guy like that doing on a crummy show like 30 Rock? (which we initially thought was 3rd Rock, a possible but unlikely spin-off for John Lithgow) and…
2. Maybe there is something to this Toronto pot-shot.
So, because it’s Monday we decided to lighten the load and ease you good folks into the working week after our killer chimp horror movie list and our 10 Unique Implements That Have Killed People in Horror Movies and do the following little run down for you: NYC VS Toronto, The Big Apple VS The Big Smoke, Gotham VS Hog Town…you get the idea.
Balcony view, Shark Guy #2. Just in case you'd be interested in throwing him off it.
New York Versus Toronto:
In New York, people build on vacant lots. In Toronto, the vacant lot becomes a focal point of much discussion.
New York attracts the best and brightest across the nation. Toronto attracts the best and brightest from across the nation who then go to New York.
In New York, a successful writer gets by with a small apartment. In Toronto, a successful writer teaches on the side.
In New York, a successful young novelist is 31 and single. In Toronto, a successful young novelist is 48, divorced, with two kids.
In New York, there is cut-throat dog-eat-dog competition. In Toronto, there is as well, but a dog-eat-dog municipal leash bylaw is strongly enforced.
New York is the city that never sleeps. Toronto had a 1AM last call in the 90s. (this was fortuitously extended when The Shark Guys achieved the legal age of 19, almost as if we had friends at city hall)
In New York, when a new subway line is needed, it’s built. In Toronto, it’s treated like a vacant lot.
New York has a slogan and t-shirts are hawked with this slogan. In Toronto, there are numerous slogans, none of which stick and certainly not to a T-shirt.
New York has a ferry that offers a spectacular view of the skyline. Toronto has a ferry that offers a spectacular view of the skyline and costs $5.
New Yorkers think their city is great. Torontonians think their city could be world class.
Everyone outside of New York hates it, but flocks to it. Everyone outside of Toronto hates it.
Many movies and TV shows are filmed in New York. Many movies and TV shows are filmed in Toronto, and passed off as New York.
In New York, a month is required to get a sense of the city. In Toronto, a long weekend will suffice if you hustle.
New Yorkers are gruff and unfriendly, until you interact with them and find out this is often not the case. Torontonians are gruff and unfriendly, until you interact with them and…(fill this in if you live elsewhere in Canada)
When abroad, Torontonians are treated like Americans until this is corrected and then they’re treated as Canadians. New Yorkers are treated like New Yorkers.
There is a huge Italian population in New York. There is a huge Italian population in Toronto, yet finding good pizza is difficult, a decent baked ziti next to impossible.
In New York, if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. In Toronto, if you can make it there, you try LA or New York.
New York sets trends, Toronto takes these trends and disseminates them throughout Canada (unless it’s music, where we set trends and await New York’s validation).
New York is unlike any other place on earth. Toronto is a much larger, more diverse, Northeastern version of Seattle with a better tower.
New York has Times Square. Toronto has Yonge Dundas Square, which is often compared to Times Square.
New York has a spectacular park enjoyed by everyone. Toronto has a spectacular park enjoyed by people who live near it.
New York has a spectacular bridge that is celebrated on film. Toronto has a spectacular bridge that people frequently jumped off until suicide barriers were erected.
New York has a massive Chinese population and incredible Chinese cuisine. Toronto has a massive Chinese population and incredible Chinese cuisine, out in the suburbs.
In New York there are happy hours and you can buy beer around the clock in a corner store. In Toronto, there are no happy hours and you buy your beer from a government monopoly. During a recent World Cup, local businesses petitioned the city to extend bar hours for the week of the tournament, to accommodate the games’ time difference so locals could enjoy the biggest sporting event in the world—it was turned down.
In New York, there are more than 100 ethnic groups, nearly half the population is foreign-born and there is food from all over the world. In Toronto, there are more than 100 ethnic groups, nearly half the population is foreign-born and there is food from all over the world, but on Mondays, a surprising number of restaurants are closed.
In New York, the subway runs all night. In Toronto, the subway starts running at 6AM (9AM on Sunday)
On the Waterfront, Rear Window, The French Connection, The Godfather, Network, Annie Hall, just to name a few, were set in New York. Both of us at one point lived in Toronto and can’t think of one film actually set here off the top of our heads.
[Editor's note: We've spent considerable amounts of time in both cities. If you'd like to pit one city against another, preferably ones we've never set foot in---we'd appreciate the challenge--- please email us at admin@thesharkguys.com and we'll do our best to accommodate]
As you, I too have spent “considerable amounts of time in both cities” both school, working and networking.
I’m SO f**king glad someone finally wrote about how cold and rude Torontotonians are.
“New Yorkers are gruff and unfriendly, until you interact with them and find out this is often not the case. Torontonians are gruff and unfriendly, until you interact with them and…(fill this in if you live elsewhere in Canada)”
It’s true. So f**king true…
Loved the article. So many items are on point!
Nice bit Sharkboyz
[...] Those keeping notes on the New York–Toronto comparison may be disturbed by news of the most recent commonality: rats. Five businesses in Kensington Market [...]
I live in New York, but have also lived in Toronto and hope to one day move back there. I hear good and bad things about both cities, but have always thought that it’s ridiculous to compare them.
For starters, Toronto is a city in a country called CANADA. New York City is a city in the country called THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Although the countries are close, they have different customs, traditions, culture, politics, etc etc etc….
Although it gave me a good laugh, I don’t know where you got the parking lot comments from. The last time I was in Toronto new high rises were being built all over the place and rents were ridiculously high. But you’re right, it sure isn’t New York City! That’s because it’s Toronto – a different city in a different country.
Another one that caught my eye is the Dundas Square point. It does often get compared to Times Square. So does Picadilly Square in London, and Shibuya in Tokyo. hmmm
I liked the article! But no matter how much people bash Toronto for not being New York City, I still choose it over NYC. New york is an incredible place, and there’s no where in the world like it. It makes it pretty easy to bash pretty much everywhere that isn’t New York!
And you forgot one thing…
Ganja lovers? Forget NYC and it’s ridiculous laws and prosecution for smoking a joint. Toronto has some of the best in the world…
’nuff said
“For starters, Toronto is a city in a country called CANADA. New York City is a city in the country called THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Although the countries are close, they have different customs, traditions, culture, politics, etc etc etc….”
By that line of reasoning, our Toronto and Bangkok comparison was really out of order:
http://www.thesharkguys.com/2009/03/25/11-ways-bangkok-and-toronto-are-different/
New York isn’t the capital of New York state. The irony…*sobs* (but thankfully the state capital of New Jersey was shifted into the CSA)
Toronto does have a large chinese population in the downtown core.
Anyways, Toronto would be a much better city if it had a 24-hour nightlife. Unfortunately, Toronto barely has anything to do past 3AM from what I’ve heard. Toronto, as a fact, is cleaner than New York and more ETHNICALLY diverse (not RACIALLY). And I do agree that Torontonians are not as friendly as everyone there says they are. And yes, I do live in Toronto.
Toronto is an absolute rubbish bin. A bastion for the anal retentive. A pretentious prison. A prissy whore. Despite the “diversity” it’s still very much a WASP city. Cold, unfriendly, uninspiring…should I go on. As soon as the opportunity presents i will leave this frosty metropolis for a place where I can acutally make a friend or two.
‘30 Rock’ rules! You don’t know what you’re talking about Sharkguys.
Go back to watching ‘King of Queens’…
That’s a bit unfair on Toronto. The fact that it even compares to NY is testimony to what the city has achieved in terms of world class recognition. In my eyes, Toronto is a less hardcore, less roughly-edged cultural hub that has many merits beyond what NY could offer. Likewise, NY has many merits beyond what Toronto could offer. I personally prefer to live in Toronto because it’s smaller, easy to get around everywhere in downtown on foot, cheap to rent a nice condo and has the same things to offer but on a smaller, less hectic scale. And I’m actually from London and prefer Toronto to there, with the exception of the history. As for implying Canadians being America’s weaker counterpart, in my opinion Canadians replace America’s trademark arrogance with relaxed humbleness.
I’ve lived in and around TO all my life (unfortunately), and man did you ever hit the nail on the head!! Excellent article, and a good laugh
You forgot a key point…
In New York, young middle-class people have to live in apartments the size of closets, or move to the suburbs. In Toronto, they can live downtown, at reasonable prices.
Toronto will never be a New York. New York will never be a Toronto. And we like it that way.
I moved to Toronto as a teenager, and it’s been a love affair ever since. Do you want to know why everyone thinks Toronto is filled with cold, rude people? Because people come here with that attitude. I’m friendly, I help people find their way around all the time, and I think this is a wonderful and vibrant city full of great people.
Of course we’re going to get offended and turn a cold shoulder when all the rest of the world does is bash us; this is our HOME. We live here and most of us love it. Try walking around NYC talking about how loud and noisy and terrible you think it is; you’re going get a lot of pretty angry New Yorkers up in your face. Because it’s home, where they live, work, play, raise families. What right do you have to spit all over that?
Think of it on a smaller scale: You tell everyone about how much you absolutey HATE your neighbour’s house. You go there from time to time to borrow something or visit… but you hate their house. And oh, how cold and rude they are and it gets worse each time! Well, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you say they’re cold and unfriendly and so they treat you that way. Why wouldn’t they? You don’t bother taking the higher ground, so why should they?
Millions of people have come to this city from across Canada and the rest of the world. Everyday we manage to get by speaking different languages and with different cultural mindsets. It is busy and pulsating and unique. We make it work – so go ahead and hate us, we have better things to do than worry about the childish opinions of haters from abroad. This city can be a warm and welcoming place if you have the decency to come here with an open mind and see it for what it is; come see us for who we are and you won’t be disappointed.
Toronto will never ever ever be New York, and that’s coming from a Torontonian. Our city is waaaay cleaner, people are more friendly (in my opinion) and we are more ethnically diverse. NY is too damn loud, noisy, disgustingly dirty (have you ever been in the SUBWAYS!) and much more. NY is NY, and T.O is T.O…lets keep it that way and not make a comparison between the two because we will get offended. And yes I have been to NY, and didn’t care for it much. Though there were some nice places, and nice people I have met, it’s just not my cup of tea.
You forgot to mention that Toronto has far superior pubs (as opposed to NY bars), a far more interesting history and that Torontonians actually show some style when going out on the town, as opposed to New Yorkers who arttend theatre wearing jeans, runners and sweatshirts.
Strip clubs in Toronto are infinitely better than anything that you’ll see in NYC. I mean, girls in New York don’t even take their knickers off!
Toronto is WAYYYYYYYYY better than New York and we have the CN Tower! We have hotter women and our city is 1000000000x cleaner. The night life here is awesome cause all the condos have a vibrant, futuristic feel. We drink wine and have cheese while we listen to smooth music looking through the window to see the CN Tower. talking an enjoying life to the fullest. Our women are curvy and actually wear tight clothing cause they aren’t clogged up with fat. TORONTO>NEW YORK. Nothing can be compared between the two. I’ve been to both cities and Toronto takes the cake. Up yours if you disagree.
I heart Toronto.