Tags: humor, infomercial, television, turbo jam
February 4, 2009 | reviews
Increasingly fragmented audiences are tough nuts for advertisers to crack. Late night infomercial audiences are nuts as well (in addition to being insomniacs, perverts, drunks, etc) and it takes the right pitch to get through to people whose mental faculties and response times might be comparable to someone who’s just emerged from a coma (and some of these spots have the ability to slip people into them).
As we noted earlier in our reviews of the Flavor Wave Turbo, Power Juicer and Dual Action Cleanse, if you’ve had your cable cut off, suffer from drug-related wakefulness or have just stumbled home from the nearest tavern, your options are mostly limited to the soothing buzz of a test pattern. However, if you’ve developed a second wind and don’t rent, you can kick, punch through your screen door and step along with the makers of the Turbo Jam, a DVD set designed to make you perspire more than a drug mule in a Merino sweater.
If you’ve ever wanted to develop abs that look like a radiator tilted on its side, or an Italian Renaissance sculpture and are steroid-squeamish (‘roids though, are required to develop suitably Italianate figurine testicles) this might be the fitness plan of action for you.
The workout is led by ‘Chalene’, who doesn’t seem bothered by the fact she’s missing an ‘R’ in her name. She’s decked out in a bright orange sports bra and matching shorts, which, in combination with her skin tone, means she’s orange from head to toe like a radioactive carrot in a wig. Chalene leads a group of preternaturally blissful people not seen since the feds busted up that polygamist compound through a workout of kicks, jabs and squats that will lose you 10 lbs and 10 inches in 10 days, without having to take a machete to your forearm or toss a newborn into the nearest dumpster to achieve similar results.
Let’s take a look at some of the claims made here while you’re on hold with the Turbo Jam people as you get ready to change your life for three easy payments of 19.95
“You can add Chalene’s premium Turbo Sculpting Gloves to Turbo Jam and you have a super charged workout 96% more effective at working your muscles than Turbo Jam alone”, intones the announcer, with an accompanying histogram growing like a Dubai tower out the base of your television set. He later says that the startling effectiveness of the “Turbo Sculpting Gloves” — which, as far as we can judge from the video, are just tight gloves — was “proven in a university study.” The kind of university that would devote its resources to researching Chalene and company is likely the kind of coconut college you’d want to attend if your academic goals included throwing up on yourself and getting a criminal record early on in life. The claim itself is odd given that the rest of the infomercial is devoted to the Turbo Jam itself, meaning that if the gloves can make the program 96% more effective, then the program must not have been that effective to begin with.
“In Turbo Sculpt, Chalene combines resistance training with hot dance music in a workout proven to tone lean, sexy muscles.” Fat, horrible muscles need not apply.
The Turbo Jam system “incorporates things that are natural when you hear great music”, so if you’ve ever been driven to punch the nearest soul in the throat while immersed in the Brandenburg Concerto’s soaring string section, you’re in luck.
“Cardio Party 45 rocking minutes of pure fun and sweat.” This was also on the promotional material for Anal Banquet 5: Sphinc-tacular.
The Turbo Jam “feels like the most incredibly fun party you’ve ever been to”, which might be true if you’re a shut in who has his meals shoved under the door by a kind neighbour.
Somehow we don’t see ourselves making those three facile payments of 19.95. But as long as insomnia persists and bars keep serving drinks in the wee small hours of the morning, we’ll keep watching the best that 3-5AM television has to offer, so stay tuned.
i want to be skinny or should i say slim again but i don’t know how to apply for it if you can help me i would love that i really love working out
i understand eveything
what are the songs on turbo sculpt?
Sorry guys, but you missed the mark on this post.
I have been a Turbo Jam / Beachbody (including Hip Hop Abs, P90X among others)fan for nearly 2 years now. The workouts are great for the beginner to the advanced hardcore workout guru.
The Turbo Jam and Hip Hop Abs workouts are fun and that’s probably what makes them stand out in the crowd and give results at the same time.
You mentioned you can’t see yourself spending the 19.95 x3 for the program, but I’m just wonderin’ how many times you have spent that much at a bar or restaurant for stuff that just ends up in the toilet anyway.
And don’t be afraid to try something especially when you are going to have such a strong opinion about it. (just sayin’)
So anyway, don’t stay up too late. It’s not good for ya!
A hearty thank you to the Turbo Jam Marketing Dept (We hope that a complementary Turbo Jam Workout DVD will be placed in the mail shortly, so we can step, punch and kick our way through the next household burglary).
First off, we are not averse to exercise—far from it. In fact, on no less than two occasions we had to run from someone’s particularly fearsome looking pet that was off-leash.
It’s just that when someone (particularly someone whose sales pitch would redden the face of an itinerant Depression-era patent medicine salesman) tries to tell you that some gloves which could be procured anywhere—give you a workout that is ‘96% more effective than Turbo Jam alone’, well, the batteries on the BS detector start to drain immediately…
what? well, for the rest of us, the videos and system are great. Chalene is lovely…fun and funky without being ‘annoyingly perky’ like most TV workout hosts. The moves are PERFECT and work many muscle groups at once for OUTSTANDING results. I’ve written an article about how to get used to the movements and get the most out of your turbo jam workout – I think it will help those who get frustrated about not ‘getting’ it or feeling coordinated enough… http://www.ehow.com/how_4987986_out-of-turbo-jam-workout.html
Thank you Amy.
We neglected to mention earlier, that wearing an official Turbo Jam headband, was 74% more effective than Turbo Jam alone, as was Turbo Jam socks (35.67987%) and Turbo Jam kneepads (42.56% plus or minus 5% depending on whether you are working out on hardwood flooring).
As for ‘Can I buy an ‘R?’ Chalene, at no point did we say she was ‘annoyingly perky’, though no jury of her sweaty peers would dispute this in a court of law…
We did say: “She’s decked out in a bright orange sports bra and matching shorts, which, in combination with her skin tone, means she’s orange from head to toe like a radioactive carrot in a wig.”
If you don’t want to spend the money to try it go to youtube or dare I say BitLord, and try it for free. I do have TurboJam and Chalene is a bit annoying but she gets the job done. I am a fan of Tae-bo, but decided to try Turbo-Jam because of all the hype. I DIDN’T SPEND $19.95 but I DID get results! SO GUYS BE CREATIVE…you’ll find a way to deliver a good critique w/o losing $$$…
The SharkGuys.com would like to thank the Turbojam PR department for visiting. You guys are earning your beans.
Hey guys- I just started Turbo Jam 2 weeks ago and I have found that it is easier for me to stick to this workout than it was for me to do tae-bo (cheaper too). I don’t have it in me to follow the 10 in 10 plan, but I am pretty happy with it so far. I haven’t lost actual lbs yet but I have seen toning in my stomach area and I have more energy.
Re: marketing department visits – wonder how many degrees in business and marketing it takes to develop the finely degraded spelling, grammar and logic errors that go into a marketing spam comment?
Discuss ;)
I admit that this informercial is super corny and the results nearly impossible, but um, the gloves are clearly weighted. Unless you have balloon hands, I don’t see how large voluminous masses sticking out of the top/palms of hands could be mistaken for normal hands wearing tight gloves.
this article was super funny..almost fell on the floor laughing at the comment section mocking the effectiveness of the gloves! But truth be told, I’m a self proclaimed turbo-jammer. I’ve had the DVDs for about 2 years & it’s helped me lose the pregnancy weight from the first baby & it’s helping this time around as well. Only complaint is that I can’t stand the fake boobies on Chalene & her sister in the back. Too cliché… Keep the great articles comming =)
I have Turbo Jam and I love it! If you follow directions about the movements, you will feel the burn and see results. Some movements are similar to different dance moves I use to do when I was young and back then, I stayed in shape. I have seen results in my arms, abs, legs, thighs and ass areas. You do have to be a bit coordinated to do it but if you stick with it, you will learn it eventually. This work out is not a sit on your ass and expect results work out. You have to move, move, move!
These comments are funny for real. I’m still waiting on my TJams DVDs though. 30 days to get my first payment back if I don’t notice results – after REALLY trying.
i have the dvds and they do make me sweat, but the music is kind of annoying and everytime i watch them i always wish chalene( or w/e her name is) would change her shorts. she has a cameltoe.
TURBO JAM IS AWESOME! when i first started i was 135 lbs i was never really fat but i really wanted to build muscle and nothing was working for me but when i tried turbo jam it was sooo fun! Even though they gave the food guide i still ate tons of but to my surprise after two weeks and doing turbo jam three times a week i lost an inch off of every area of my body and lost 10 lbs. ITS so great because you can eat what you want and still lose inches recommend turbo jam to anyone!
I’ve been working out to turbo jam for the last few weeks 3-5 days a week. I don’t like excersise much but I think it’s fun and effective. I can already feel the difference in my abs & legs especially. I’m not very coordinated so I find some parts hard to keep up with but I am getting better at it with practice. I’ve never been a fan of aerobics but I like the workouts the turbo jam DVD’s offer. Yes Chalene is a bit annoying, but far less than most of the exercise video queens. Wish that “wow wow” commentor hadn’t mentioned the camel toe. I hadn’t noticed that & unfortunately I probably will now.
LOL. For those of you who think Chalene is annoying, you should really watch Tae Bo/Billy’s Bootcamp. Billy Blanks is 1000x more annoying than Chalene.
You Sharkies are HI-LA-R-I-OUS. Ppl have their panties in a bunch about nothing. I’m melting away slowly from the workouts I bought on ebay. Since 3 payments of 20 aint easy for something that could’ve potentially annoyed me.I guess after it’s all over I’ll have to find some fake boobs on ebay too like Cha-cha-cha lene. Don’t get me wrong I’m a chalene luvr. But yes, even my inquiring mind always wonders what happened to the “r” in her. Even though she looks like an orange julius shake with all that dayglow orange, it works!
Well, not sure where this article came from, but it’s completely INCORRECT. I had some family problems and went from 140 to 185 in a matter of a year. I purchased Turbo Jam and have had it for 3 months now. I’ve dropped 14 pounds and 4 inches. So, does it work. Yes. Do you also have to change your eating habits? Absolutely. However, I see no reason to bash something that promotes working out and exercising.
You know, bashing a $78 package is fun. Spending $78 on a package that only includes 2 DVD discs in one case (the ad showed 6 separate DVDs) to get a workout that you can get from any other workout program or get on your own at the gym or out running/hiking deserves a bit of bashing. The “free” workout gloves are only “free” if you don’t pay attention to the fact that you just spent $78 on 2 DVDs and a few pieces of paper.
I started Turbo Jam at 334 lbs. and I’ve now lost, as of today, 60 lbs. Yeah, I barely could get through the workouts. But I did it. I knew that if I didn’t work hard for my weightloss, I would not keep it off. My weighted gloves were free with my turbo jam packaged that I purchased on beachbody.com. There is a reason why the weighted gloves make the workout more effective, because DUH! if you you add weights to any workout and it is more effective. These people have to make a living too. Sounds to me like someone is jealous that they don’t have the drive to fulfill their goals/passions in life the way Chalene has. She is no different than you or me, we can achieve the same goals with a lot of hard work! How do you think she has accomplished all this? The way that we all have to, working our tails off!
OK, does anyone think the Shark Guys actually work out? NO. Not to Tony Horton (NOW let’s talk ANNOYING), Slim in 6 or, horrors, Turbo Jam.
They make fun of infomercials. They had a lot of fun with this one. They made a funny…
I love Chalene (no thanks, I don’t use “R” because it makes my ass look big) Johnson’s workouts. ALL of them. Yes, I own them all. I find it very easy to put her DVDs in my player every morning and to do the work out. She’s a blast. I recommend her to everyone who asks me where my 28″ and 28 lbs went over the past year.
Did I think their review was funny? Hell yeah.
Lighten up!
I’ve actually never seen the TurboJam infomercial (we don’t have cable/satellite). But I can say that the product is actually a good one (as is Winsor Pilates, another infomercial-sold fitness series). Don’t knock it until you try it :-)
LOL! I for one appreciate the sarcasm in this post. Yes, I do Turbo Jam too. However, I did NOT buy it from the infomercial. I never saw that until after I bought the videos. Still, the infomercials must work considering how popular Turbo Jam is. Oh, and the gloves aren’t just plain fingerless gloves. They have a pound and half of sand in each.
I have to admit my interest in propaganda reviews and challenging them over backing someone up but this time I actually feel the desire for all three. Being an active aerial acrobat for 5 years I was not initially interested in wrecking my body even more but since I had a baby I was interested in looking like I did before child. My friend encouraged me to get my abs back by using the video and I was at first turned off by the high potency of Chalene’s enthusiasm potion. It grew on me and after and additional 15 minutes a day of Chalene I grew a good looking set of abs and felt stronger even if I had already been doing an hour or workout a day for my job as an acrobat. I even began liking Chalene’s infectious smile. Now I do turbo jam twice a week for a combined length of an hour straight (2 videos)with the weighted gloves. I am near 40 and am in better shape (yah, they all say it but I believe them) then ever and am still an acrobat. Here is what i found: it does work and you get what you put in. the gloves do make a big difference to a workout that does work well without out. So if you choose to believe that informercials don’t work then put down the beer, try this late-night workout scheme, and remember to give your 110% before you attempt to scoff at a workout beyond lifting a glass. Ps if you are inspired by this workout it does not mean you are a candidate for anger management classes but merely someone who is self movtivated (take it from someone who excelled in boxing and kickboxing while doing triathlons competiviely before doing acrobatics….all positive endevours)
OMG!!! Is there a turbo Boobies yet? Looking for a way to firm and shape..I have a weighted bra that’s 94% effective
The gloves are weighted gloves. They aren’t just fingerless spandex gloves, they actually have 1-2 lb weights on them. I’m sure you COULD get them just about anywhere, but they are effective in making the workout that much tougher, so it would be silly for the company NOT to offer them as an up-sell.
I’m not from some marketing department and I find it really annoying that thesharkguys accused EVERY positive, enthusiastic review of the program to be from someone at Turbo Jam.
I simply lost 20 lbs in the last 3 months from doing Turbo Jam four days a week (cardio, strength training, abs…), and eating within a reasonable calorie range. And I’m not talking about grass and carrots here, I eat fast food at least twice a week still, and I don’t feel like I’m denying myself anything.
It’s just good sense that ANY good exercise program that’s fun and gets you moving (like Turbo Jam) will have the pounds melting off, if you do it in conjunciton with a good diet.
Try it before you knock it, folks. It works for me.