November 28, 2008
Obama Claus says 'Everyone grab a big bag of hope, sling it over your shoulder and distribute it to the kids'. *Photo by C. Lombardo
We here in the Global Village are finally rid of our Idiot, after 8 miserable years, and like a landlord turfing a deadbeat tenant, we’re happy he and his belongings will soon be out on the White House lawn.
Yes, this Thanksgiving is an especially memorable one, as we Shark Guys were able to collect on a bunch of lucrative election side-bets, and at the same time raise a few glasses of liquid hope to the new guy. [For a presidential drinker profile of Barack Obama, click here]
Today, fittingly enough, is Black Friday, a day that, and at this point it might be best to procure a block of wood to rap your knuckles on, is always a busy and very profitable one for retailers.
This is because much upholstery is dampened by consecutive NFL games, and folks need to stave off terrestrially-bound deep vein thrombosis and wander around the local mall to work off that Thanksgiving turkey (which was hopefully inflated with steroids to delectably plump, juicy proportions).
Black Friday is a lot more fun than Black Tuesday, a Great Depression precursor, when, if urban legends are to be believed, ‘warning, falling stockbroker’ signs had to be posted up and down Wall Street (this myth is exploded when you realize that back then, much like now, nobody ever got depressed over losing millions of dollars of somebody’s else’s money, though one might be inclined to be left alone with one’s own private jet thoughts if ya did).
This Black Friday, we encourage everyone to spend, spend spend like there is no tomorrow because as a great economist once noted, “in the long run, we’re all dead” (a statement that carried a lot more weight than if it had been uttered by a gerontologist or a problem gambler) In the spirit of the first black pres, let’s make this Black Friday one to remember.
Cha-ching.
Editor’s note: If any of our readers would rather stay home, have at the leftovers and shop online in the comfort of their favorite pair of sweats, might we suggest The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery, which has been called, ‘A laugh out loud riot and a comic masterpiece’, just now by its authors. Highly recommended.
November 28th, 2008 at 2:47 am
The kid in that painting looks like something straight out of Deliverance. My caption for that one would be: “Obama offers a bag of garbage to a mutant kid straight out of Deliverance.”
November 30th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I have declared the day after Thanksgiving to be National Do Jack Sh*t Day, and celebrated accordingly. The high point was my nap.