Tags: gingers, humor, media, television, violence
November 21, 2008 | Rants, weird news
One of many redheads who it would be mighty satisfying to kick.
As the phrase “I will beat you like a red-headed stepchild” makes perfectly clear, carrot tops are despised by pretty much everybody. They can’t step out of the shade for longer than a 10 count without getting a sun burn and among their ranks are the despicable likes of David Caruso, Lindsay Lohan and, of course, Carrot Top. If you go further back and take a look at some historical fire crotches (thank you urban dictionary), it reads like a grocery list of the worst people ever to inflict themselves on our planet: Lizzie Borden, Martin Van Buren, Oliver Cromwell – dirt-bag city, basically.
At last, however, society has dropped its gloves and put gingers, as they are also known, on notice. The TV show South Park sparked it all with an episode in which Cartman gives a class lecture on how red-haired people are basically soulless vampires (see below). Inspired by Cartman’s rant, Facebook groups began to pop up and the anti-Ginger movement was afoot. The largest Facebook group boasted some 4,000 members, testament to the fact that people do not like the red-hairs beyond enjoying the opportunity to ask whether what’s hanging on the windows is color coordinated with an area typically left out of direct sunlight.
The Facebook groups spawned “Kick a Ginger Day”, which apparently was yesterday. Canadians were asked to send their penny loafers in the general direction of a redhead’s arse, and many did — so many that the RCMP got involved and school principals threatened serious punishments for anyone caught attempting to punt a carrot top.
The readers of The Globe and Mail report telling of Kick a Ginger Day must all have been gingers or have had their senses of humor sucked from their heads by them as they suggested banning South Park, jail terms for the kickers, and bellyached about the evils of bullying (for no insight whatsoever into what causes bullying click here). We, on the other hand, are laughing so hard that we may not be able to hold a drink steady this weekend.
To our ginger readers, if there are any of you left at this point, we offer you some solace in the fact that:
A) Kick a Ginger Day has passed (though we’re shining our steel-toeds in anticipation of next year)
and B) Contrary to popular belief and as incredible as it may seem, red heads are the ones who have the most fun (well, except for yesterday). A 2006 study confirmed that red heads are a highly libidinous people and have way more sex than their more fortunately coiffed counterparts. We would put up with a day’s worth of kicking to be swinging in those circles.
it’s interesting that people have chosen to kick redheads since according to a study completed in 2002, they are more sensitive to pain and require more anesthetic for procedures (see: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2923-red-heads-suffer-more-pain.html) Although, it should be noted that a 2005 study seems to contradict this directly (see: http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/an/story/CTVNews/20050812/ginger_hair_pain_050811).
Additionally, we should be wary of taking out too much violence on redheads since they’re already in danger of extinction, not (necessarily) because of mean, nasty humans, but just by dint of evolution and genetics (see: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2002266852_redhair09.html)
so, instead of being reviled or beaten to a pulp, people should reconsider their malign intentions. Find a nice redhead out there (they exist! i know a few) and maybe suggest they begin immediate steps to finding another redhead to procreate with. Otherwise you may have no one to kick by 2100…
Advocating any kind of hatred based on appearance is not sophisticated and ironic, it makes you a fuckwit.
Dear readers,
To those among your ranks who might be less than sophisticated, or somehow un-ironic, we love redheads and think a Facebook group devoted to kicking them, is abhorrent.
Hopefully this will clear things up and in the future, all future humor postings that may cause offence to any and all particular groups, will come with a detailed, fine-print disclaimer.
(Other “Shark Guy” here)
Nappyhead, thank you for your enlightening comments. You’ve somewhat softened my desire to go ginger booting. Shame that we needed to spell out that this post was tongue-in-cheek. That should have been obvious from the last paragraph, but obviously idiots like Jules need things triple-underlined.
Talk of this as a “hate crime” or “racist” — both bandied about by idiots on discussion boards who probably haven’t experienced either — cheapens both of those terms. Don’t compare the plight of a bunch of Ron Howard look-a-likes who had to deal with a day’s worth of kicking to that of legitimately persecuted racial minorities.
Sure, it was terrible that some kids — of course now, we need to spell out for the thick-as-bricks crowd that we do not advocate violence against children (just older gingers, like, say, Charo) — were beat up by others who took a joke too far, but that’s all that happened.
Hey fuckass, I’ll be happy to show you some dynanite red headed temper, I’m a true Celt and a redhead, like many of my relations and I’ll be happy to wipe the floor with you, scumbag. Yo mama is a cocksucking whore, fuckface! I’ll be happy to show her some new readheaded tricks ;-) but I’m sure she taught you all you know, you inbred cretin.
Dear Red Menace,
First off, those sentiments are HIGHLY offensive to the children who might be the products of an intra-familial union.
Secondly, your hate speech directed at members of the sex worker community is highly inappropriate, not to mention patronizing as we’re certain that they are more than capable of finding their own tricks, without availing themselves of the services of some potentially abusive pimp.
Third, your callous and cavalier use of the term ‘Cretin’ (Latin derivation of creature) is de-humanizing and offensive, particularly to those with special needs.
Regards,
The Shark Guys
Ok, to the red head with the grade school insults, way to show how sophisticated we are. =P Second, I have never had to deal with prejudice against red heads. Quite the oposite. We are far too fetishised in my opinion. But remember that the original kick a ginger day site started as a joke too, and some “fuckwits” took it seriously! I know many nice red heads. I also know many nice blonds, brunets, and other. The same goes for not so nice. The color of your hair has nothing to do with how you act or who you are! Anymore than the color of your skin. People who think this is good clean fun and harmless one, dont watch the news, and two, are probably not red heads. How would people like to have a kick a brunette day? How about kick anyone over 6 foot day? Kick someone with big feet? Lets just pick someone and kick them! Its all fun right? what happens when, some November 20th in the future, some pretty fetishised red head girl as at a party and someone yells “kick a ginger!” Next she gets kicked, then thanks the alcohol and crowd frenzy, she gets kicked again, grabbed, teased…where will it end? I will let your active imaginations finish that scenario. And why not? She is just a soulless ginger right? How about everyone grows up and gets a life and stops gaining enjoyment out of hurting others not like you? Geez! By the way, red heads are known to be outspoken and passionate about what they believe in >.>
Well, I guess I’m a ‘day walker’ as I do have red hair, but my skin is ‘normal’ and the only traces I have of my childhood freckles are in my memories.
I however am a redhead who kicks back – plus I welcome the attention and rough-housing so I look forward to next year’s Kick a Ginger Day.
Holy crap! You guys used my video! (yes that is me, that’s how I found this article actually) Awesome! As a ginger I would like to say that I’m not offended by the term, nor by “Kick A Ginger Day”. No one kicked me though, which I must say is let down…
However,I agree with Zoey and I would also like to reserve the right to kick back if it happens next year (and I will).
Your video? Are you Trey Parker and/or Matt Stone? If so, can you send us a suitcase full of cash? Thanks.
Or are you the redhead in that picture? If so, we take back that caption. We would not boot you even on Kick a Ginger Day, and yes, gingers are encouraged to kick back on said day. That’s what makes it sporting.
What the fuck is wrong with you people kicking people who have natural red hair who should be a ashamned of yourselves. I have only one question to ask all of you who love kicking gingers does this fall on every 20th of every month if it does so help me GOD I will have to take it up with the school boards and the mayor.
SO FUCK YOU IF YOU HATE US GINGERS
yes fuck gingers , but it is funny that to try and act like you have a little wit you copy something of a cartoon show that millions of people watch,
Truth is your all idiots , GET A JOB
HO YOU CUNTO!?!?
the swine shaggin hunk oh shite who wrote this and any cunt who kicks me on this gay annual event will be gettin a walloping, their family’s raped and your cattle slaughtered cause that is how us Scots roll,
COME ON THE PICTS
YOUR ALL A BUNCH OH FANNYS AND YER MA’s A WHOORE
The original article said gingers included horrible people. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Henry VII, Henry VIII, Elizabeth I, Churchill, Ron Howard, Nicole Kidman, Vivaldi, Napoleon. I’d better keep joe stalin and Van Gogh out of it. Actually after short people they seem to be the world’s greatest overachievers. Some of the above, like Churchill, were ginger and short.
We should make a day called kick-a-red which advocates kicking natives, or kick-an-ebony…you know because it is funny. On no because it wasn’t on South Park it’s not funny? Fuckwads.
If you agree with any of the shit this cockroach has shit out then you are also a hater just like the nazi’s and the ku klux klan. All haters like this fool need to be castrated.
If you agree with this sack of shit then you too are a hater and a likely perpetrator of a hate crime. You are just like the nazi’s and the ku klux klan. All haters should be castrated.
this sack of shit is a hater and if you agree with hime then you are too. If this is the case then you join the ranks of the nazi’s and the kkk. It is a coincidence that future november 20ths also become Castrate a Hater day.
This is a pile of shit from a pile of shit. If you think that this is ok that you are a hater and are just like the nazi’s and the kkk
There’s nothing wrong with kicking the fuck out of a damn useless ugly ass ginger kid. I kicked one in the shins for each freckle I saw on his fucked up face.