Tags: Halloween, Sarah Palin, Top Ten
October 31, 2008 | lists
The witching hour is soon upon us, when ‘hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world’, kids are tucked in by Michael Jackson, Donatella Versace wakes up to greet the day as usual and other ghoulish things.
Halloween marks the end of the harvest, or its modern exemplar, snagging a boxed butter chicken before the 7-Eleven closes up shop and even those who are known to wring the last droplet out of that wet blanket, can’t help but get into the otherworldly spirit; even if it means dimming the lights, hunkering down in a basement and carpel tunneling their way through Black Sabbath Guitar Hero and pretending not to hear the knock at the door.
When it comes to costumes, some have withstood both the ravages of time and Second Life avatars, the devils, sexy nurses, vampires, ninjas, Batman & Robin (it’s not difficult to tell which of these pooches is the submissive one and there are few experiences more frightening than the prospect of sitting through the eponymous movie) and for parents stingy with a dollar, ghosts. If you haven’t glanced at a calendar recently and find yourself at a loss for costume ideas, here are a few simple suggestions.
10. 
Osama Bin Laden
This culturally insensitive classic is relevant until he’s caught (at this point, when Satan snowmobiles to work) and even a few years after Borat’s catchphrases have outworn their welcome.
Twist: Obama/Osama. This one will likely be popular, especially with the catchphrase, courtesy of the Wasilla Whackjob’s supporters, ‘The only difference between Osama and Obama is BS’ [and at this point, with devotees like this, McCain wishes he could raise his arms above his shoulders to slap himself on the forehead]
Tip: Always on the cutting edge with Times Square hooker references, even though they haven’t been seen there since the mid 90s, the spirit of the comedically deceased David Letterman can also be conjured up with crack about “being found driving a New York City taxicab’
9. 
Polluted Body of Water
This one’s easy, if you’ve managed to master the complexity of ‘ghost’. Grab a blue garbage bag, poke a hole for your head and hang soda cans, wrappers, syringes and whatever else you can scrounge out of recycling and go as your favorite polluted body of water, say Lake Ontario or of course, the East River.
Twist: Say you’re the Potomac and make political jokes so obvious, they’d be crumpled up into a ball during Jay Leno brainstorming sessions (and then flattened out and used that same evening). Be prepared for ‘Hey, I can make out Jimmy Hoffa on the bottom’ if you’re the East River.
8. John Daly Undoubtedly, our favorite sportsman. Daly, powered by the hooch, is known to smack a ball way further than any of his peers, leading us to conclude that this Samson-like strength is related to his copious booze intake. Dropped by his ’swing coach’ (nothing to do with an embarrassing movie craze from the 90s) for being a drunkard, this was borne out by his recent arrest at a Hooters. 
You get extra points for being topical.
Tip: if you’re portly and have hair, style it Three Stooges Moe, grab a six-pack, a set of clubs and voila.
7. Johnny Cash Another no-brainer here. Two things that can be found in every guy’s apartment from age 21 and up: a guitar and a dark suit.
Bonus: As you get into your cups, you can ‘Walk the Line’. [Editor's note, for our Top 10 Drinking and Driving Songs, click here]
Twist: find a June Carter lady friend to sing lovely harmonies.
6. Sarah Palin. Though duplicating her wardrobe might require a large home equity loan, this will certainly be a popular one a few days prior to her going down to spectacular defeat in the looming election. 
Advanced Tip: With her recent railing against fruit fly research [a staple of genetic research since its inception], set a few pieces of fruit out in a jar overnight, put a lid on it and carry around a few. You betcha, gosh darnit.
5. Wacky Afro Wig Disco Guy / Nerd
Another easy one. Requirements: 1. Afro wig, copious amounts of liquor, ruffled shirt, obnoxious persona, thrift store pants and ideally, fraternity affiliation.
2. Tape for a pair of oversized glasses, a bow-tie or thrift store duds. [Caveat: you may be mistaken for a member of any band that has come out of Brooklyn and been written about in Blender in the last five years. Just nod in agreement if recoginized as such]
4. Survivor Cast Member / Eyes Wide Shut Mask + Robe. Degree of difficulty: 1-2. 
a) Last minute standby, requires dirt, a bikini, a walking stick and a self-centered, grating attitude.
Tip: Bring along cards with magic marker names on them for who you’d like voted off the island and hand them out at parties.
b) Grope random strangers in your Eyes Wide Shut Mask and robe.
Bonus: Creepy even for people unfamiliar with the movie, like Nicole Kidman appeared to be when she was in it.
Tip: For extra frights, jump up and down on a sofa while proclaiming your undying affection for someone a foot taller.
3. Michael Phelps Degree of difficulty: 1
Stop by the local trophy store where your boss gets those ‘Employee of the Month’ plaques that always seem to pass you by as you plot his death and procure a bunch of medals. Swim cap, goggles, bathrobe and you’re set.
Caveat: This is extremely time sensitive as Olympians are forgotten almost immediately once the games are over and done with, which will no doubt happen with this medal-hog.
2. Willie Nelson Degree of difficulty 4. 
Braided ponytail wig, think Wizard of Oz Dorothy but gray. Plaid shirt, cowboy hat, bandanna, beaten up guitar.
1. Pocahontas Same as the above, substituting the plaid shirt, cowboy hat, bandanna, beaten up guitar for brown mini dress and moccasins. To deflect attention away from not being particularly culturally sensitive, find a Borat or an Osama and refill their glass.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
I like your Halloween costume suggestions. Thanks..!
Ha, these are all pretty good ideas…and they are cheap also. I remember I wanted to be Chubaka one Halloween, but then found out that many of the Chubaka costumers are expensive. I even found one on a costume site that costed over 1,000 dollars.