February 15, 2008
Blackouts are nature’s way of sparing drunks from having to forever remember the shameful acts they may have committed whilst in liquor’s clutches. (Though the legend-like feats of the worst among them have been collected for posterity in our book, “The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death: and other true tales of drunken debauchery). Also, in some places simply telling an arresting officer that you were so blotto you can’t remember a single detail of the crime you are alleged to have committed will result in you being set free with a sandwich and the best wishes of the city… or so we’ve heard.
A 25-year-old man in Lincolnshire England was arrested recently for a crime he committed while blackout drunk that one would have assumed involved the consumption of hallucinogenic drugs rather than alcohol – challenging a police car to a fight.
The man is said to have finished a night’s boozing by hopping up on the roof of a marked police car and shouting “come on then”, while swinging punches. The man’s motivation for singling out a police car for this aggression were not reported, though it appears not to have been motivated by frustrations over skyrocketing oil prices, global warming or a traumatic childhood memory involving one of the Herbie The Love Bug films.
The police car did not respond to being called out, but its occupants did. The man was arrested and later plead guilty to having caused criminal damage to the police car. After he sobered up and was asked about the incident, the man claimed to have no memory of it, though he added in an honest, if harsh, appraisal of his own character that “It sounds like something I would do.”
February 17th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Drunk or Not, He needs a heavy fine, any male who would commit assault with a umbrella needs to be stopped! I guess there are no baseball bats in England! Just Weak!
February 18th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Threio — The offender in the photo is actually not the drunk in the story, but none other than Britney Spears, photographed here in a not-so-flattering light while doing some body work on K-Fed’s ride.
She might well have been half-soused at the time, but regardless, you are correct in that choosing an umbrella for bashing — where bats are undoubtedly superior — was indeed a poor choice.
February 18th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Well, I have to admit that I’ve been more than a little tempted myself on occasion. Those paddywagons just beg to have the smug smacked off their stupid faces! Great site — cheers!
February 20th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Thanks Canucklehead. Yeah, I think this guy was acting out the dreams of many. Five across the headlights!