December 19, 2007
Every year around this time, as we celebrate the birth of Santa Claus (or was it that little blond elf who partnered up with Rudolph in the movie… hmm… too much egg nog), there are always reports of people getting drunk and taking their yuletide frustrations out on the most glaring and garish targets within their blurry sights – the holiday decorations that festoon towns.
Sometimes, these acts are as blasphemous as replacing a nativity Jesus with “Stewie” from “The Family Guy”, while in other cases the vandalism takes the form of vigilante justice, such as when someone kicks out blinding holiday floodlights strong enough to have seen action during Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in The Wall” tour. (It is also quite tempting to throw a rock on behalf of Al Gore whenever one comes across a holiday display sucking up the wattage like that in the above pic).
In Sunderland, England, city officials put up an illuminated decorative reindeer (pictured here) outside of the “Jolly Sailor” pub, possibly in an attempt to detract attention from what we’d expect, given the pub’s name, to be the themed uniforms of its staff members and accompanying motif. Within days of the reindeer’s debut on city streets, teen ruffians were already hopping up on it for a good old small town laugh – the deer having about the same entertainment possibilities as an exercise bike. (Editor’s note: No joy can ever be derived from riding an exercise bike, with the exception of neural misfiring that sometimes results in seizures or more commonly, a runner’s high).
The weight of subsequent rapscallions eventually caused the legs of the £2,000 deer to buckle. A tip led to the apprehension of one 19-year-old (yes, we were talking upper-year teens here) who admitted being drunk at the time of his festive “ride” and was let off with a police caution.
Electric reindeer, warned a stern city councilor who had no candy for hooligans, are not to be trifled with and could electrocute an errant sitter. This, along with accidentally hanging yourself while stringing up your Christmas lights (that you won’t be taking down until February at the earliest, death or not), would be a contender for the most inglorious holiday death of all. Given that it looks as if it’s constructed from glass it could also, according to the first doctor we reached after a random flip in the phone book (we won’t say which phone book), give you a right sore arse.
