Allow us to explain.

A precocious young’un in Hilltown, Pennsylvania, precocious not because he could solve cubic polynomials in his head or compose didactic sonnets but because he drove drunk at a middle-aged level– was nabbed by cops engaging in the type of driving that would even cause road rage on the bumper car circuit.

The cops, sensing that the 16-year old had recently gotten his swerve on, administered a breathalyzer to the toasted young helmsman in the wee hours of the morning. Registering top marks on the device, the fuzz contacted the ruffian’s mom to come and pick up the blasted DUI valedictorian.

His mom, who we’ll call ‘stupid’ here to protect her identity, herself engaging in the ‘how the hell else am I supposed to get there, walk?’ school of drunk driving, failed the field sobriety tests at the police station upon arrival. Mama was promptly arrested on DUI charges as well.

“If she had admitted to us in the beginning she was drinking, we would have made other arrangements to get the (teen) home,” noted the police chief, who probably sprung for a cab just in case pops would’ve happened by for the blotto trifecta.