October 3, 2007
If the 80s taught us anything, it’s that if we lived to be 147, the benefits of trickle down economics would trickle down to us and that the Zeitgeist was reflected in former ballplayers becoming nannies on network television. What it didn’t teach us, apparently, was rudimentary chemistry—you know, acids and bases and a way to mix cocaine with baking soda that would make it more accessible to the masses— and more able to dull the senses to the point where you’d realize that bands with a keyboard and two guitars really sucked.
Such a band was the horrible Canadian outfit Loverboy, who brought us ‘Turn me Loose’ and ‘(Everybody’s) Workin’ for the Weekend’, a band so doomed to obscurity that even their ‘where are they now?’ file has been misplaced by a preoccupied secretary. An unnamed rest stop diner source informed us that the band is still touring, and had recently induced tinnitus in several dozen tin ears at the Kansas State Fair, where a 44-year old drunk woman was arrested for disorderly conduct and trespassing.
According to a Highway Patrol arrest report, the woman “stated she jumped the fence and just wanted to see Loverboy.”
